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Hope this brightens your day:


The bank robbers tied and gagged the employees in one room and the manager in his office. On their way out they noticed the Manager was making desperate noises to catch their attention. Moved by curiosity, one of the burglars loosened the gag and heard the man’s plead, “Please take the books too, I’m $5000 short!”


Its Mike’s first day on the job as a bartender. As he serves a customer a Manhattan, a piece of parsley falls into the drink. “What the hell is that?” the customer asks. “It’s your Manhattan. And there’s Central Park.” he replied.


There is no prescribed way for everyone. There is just your Way for NOW… until you choose another.


A wife started doing her make up as soon as she woke up. Her husband asked the reason. She replied, "I have locked my phone with facial recognition. And it's not recognizing me without makeup."


Back at my high school for the tenth reunion, I met my old coach. Walking through the gym, we came upon a plaque on which I was still listed as the record holder for the longest softball throw.

Noticing my surprise, the coach said, "That record will stand forever." I was about to make some modest disclaimer that records exist to be broken, when he added, "We stopped holding that event years ago."


The malcontents of “the good old days” did just like they do today, in that they also longed for the good old days.


"Mom says that drinking a buffalo's milk makes us smarter." "She's lying. If it did make one smarter, then the buffalo's calves would be scientists."


At a boat rental concession, the manager went to the lake's edge and yelled through his megaphone, "Number 99, come in, please. Your time is up." Several minutes passed, but the boat didn't return. "Boat number 99," he again hollered, "return to the dock immediately or I'll have to charge you overtime." "Something is wrong here, boss," his assistant said. "We only have 75 boats. There is no number 99." The manager thought for a moment and then raised his mega-phone. "Boat number 66!" he yelled. "Are you having trouble out there?"


Don't always take the open door in life. Take the time to open one yourself."



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