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Hope this brightens your day:

 

Me: "Sorry boss, can’t come in today my car has broken down." Boss: "What about the bus?" Me: "I don’t have a bus!"

 

One of the world's greatest scientists was also recognized as the original absent-minded professor. One day, on board a train, he was unable to find his ticket. The conductor said, "Take it easy. You'll find it."  When the conductor returned, the professor still couldn't find the ticket. The conductor, recognizing the famous scientist, said, "I'm sure you bought a ticket. Forget about it."  "You're very kind," the professor said, "but I must find it. Otherwise, I won't know where to get off."

 

When we are weak, we accuse and blame. Growing stronger we become able to forgive. Once we are strong we discover that there is nothing to forgive.

 

"Who dropped a wad of money with an elastic band around it?" "I did!" "Well, here's your elastic band."

 

Doctor Bloomfield, who was known for extraordinary treatment of arthritis, had a waiting room full of people when a little old lady, almost bent over in half, shuffled in slowly, leaning on her cane. When her turn came, she went into the doctor's office and, amazingly, emerged within 5 minutes walking completely erect with her head held high. A woman in the waiting room who had seen all this rushed up to the little old lady and said, "It's a miracle! You walked in bent in half and now you're walking erect. What did that doctor do?" "Gave me a longer cane."

 

"Living in a dream world is for those who refuse to wake up to reality!"  - Julie Sullivan

 

Improved Smoker

Scott

3% Improved Smoker 091516.jpg

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