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Hope this brightens your day:

 

A sweater is a garment worn by a child... When his mother feels chilly. 

 

When I was in school, I used to ask a lot of questions. One day I asked Ms. Doris, our English teacher, "Why do we ignore some letters 'H' like in hour, honest, honor, etc?" Ms. Doris replied, "We are not ignoring them. They are considered silent." During the lunch break, Ms. Doris gave me her packed lunch & asked me to heat it in the cafeteria. I ate all the food and returned her an empty container. Ms. Doris asked me, "What happened? I told you to go and HEAT my food & you are returning me an empty container?" "I'm sorry, Ms. Doris, I thought the 'H' was silent."

 

If you let someone stab you in the back enough times, eventually you will bleed to death.

 

Father to Daughter: It's a good thing you chose to takes accounting at school. Daughter: How come? Father: Because I want you to account for coming home at five am this morning. 

 

Three kids argue, whose father is the fastest. One says, "My father is the fastest, he can overtake an arrow he shot with a bow." The second one says, "My father is even faster - he can shoot a gun and then run to catch the bullet before it hits anything." The third kid says, "You actually don't understand what speed is. My father is even quicker! He finishes work at 4:30 pm, but he's back home by 3:45 pm almost every day."

 

When considering a student for financial aid, the federal formula expects the student to contribute 50% of the student’s income (minus the income protection allowance), and 35% of the student’s assets during his/her base year. Given this, the family should spend down the student’s money first. For example, instead of buying the student a car or a computer while he/she is in college, have the student buy it out of their own funds during the base year before you apply for FAFSA. This may increase the student's eligibility for aid and reduce the family's out-of-pocket costs.

 

One night at the dinner table, the wife commented, "When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller. You don't love me any more?"  "Nonsense, darling," replied the husband, "you just cook better now."

 

A woman stood inside the front door, her arms full of coats. Four small children scurried around her. Her husband, coming down the stairs, asked why she was standing there. "Here," she said, handing him the coats. "This time you put the children into their coats, and I'll go honk the horn."

 

Keeping a computer on day and night will consume about 250 kilowatt-hours of electricity and will cost you around $50 dollars a month. By shutting down your computer at night, you will consume around 100 kilowatt-hours saving you about $30 a month. Make sure you point this out to others and at work.

 

Improved Cooker

 

Scott

3% Improved Cooker 091516.jpg

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