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Hope this brightens your day:


A new hair salon opened up for business right across the street from the old established hair cutters' place. They put up a big bold sign which read: "WE GIVE SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS!" Not to be outdone, the old Master Barber put up his own sign: "WE FIX SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS!"


A strained voice called out through the darkened theater, "Please, is there a doctor in the house?!" Several men stood up as the lights came on. An older lady pulled her daughter to stand next to her, "Good, are any of you doctors single and interested in a date with a nice girl?"


Our wisest words ever, are those words that are never spoken because they would have hurt another without benefiting anyone.


During college, I worked on a conveyer belt. One day, I was on a blind date, and she asked me about my job. "I work at the end of a belt," I said. With an ebullient smile, she asked, "Are you the buckle?"


“Oh no, not leftovers again!” complained my older sister when she saw the leftover meatloaf on the table from last night's supper. “Young lady,” responded my father sternly, “do you know how many people would love to have a delicious supper like this? You should be ashamed of yourself. Now before we start eating I want to hear you say grace thanking the Lord for this delicious meal.” “Thank you Lord for this delicious supper,” muttered my sister submissively, “….again!”


Politics would not be so bad if it weren’t for the fact that it attracts so many politicians.

My house is haunted by a ghostwriter... Last night, I came home and my autobiography had been written.


An actress who suffered from an inferiority complex was complaining to her psychiatrist. "I'm a nothing!" she cried. "I can't sing. I can't remember my lines. I can't dance, I can't even act. I really don't belong in show business." "Why don't you quit?" the doctor asked. "I can't," moaned the actress. "I'm a Star!"


Duty isn’t something that we can force into another like an unpleasant dose of medicine, but rather duty is something that must grow, unopposed, within each of us or not at all.


Cook Veggies



3% Cook Veggies 091516.jpg

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