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Scott Lance Smith

The Comedic Stylings of Scott Lance

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Hope this brightens your day:

 

Teacher: "Why are you late this morning?" Student: "Its my alarm clock. Everyone got up except me!" Teacher: How did the alarm clock make you the only one not to get up?" Student: "There are eight of us in the my family and the alarm clock was only set for seven."

 

Luke: I remember the time I played against Yale in football. What a game it was." Mark: "What position did you play?" Luke: "In the first game I was left...." Mark: "End?"
Luke: "Left out. In the second half I was back...." Mark: "You were back in?" Luke: "No, way back."

 

What is TATT syndrome? TATT stands for “tired all the time”and it is a real condition. This goes beyond being tired all the time. It is a combination of physical and psychiatric symptoms, such as feeling sleepy, loss of motivation, inability to concentrate and/or make decisions, lack of energy, and more.

 

https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us.    

 

https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power/

 

 

Danerous Prople.

 

Pests B5 - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share.

 

Scott

=== Danerous Prople 082519.jpg

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Tick Repellent Recipe 220518.jpg

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Hope this brightens your day:

 

One summer evening, a 3-year-old came in while his parents were setting the table for supper. Quite surprisingly, he asked if he could help. His mother said, "No, but I appreciate your asking." The child responded, "Well, I appreciate your saying no."

 

Two men were adrift in an open boat, and it looked bad for them. Finally one of them, frightened, began to pray. "O Lord," he prayed, “I've broken most of thy commandments. I've been a hard drinker, but if my life is spared now I'll promise never again...” "Wait a minute, Jack,” said his friend. “Don't go too far, I think I see a sail!”

 

September 3, 1967 started out as the typical Sunday morning in Sweden. Except for one little detail. This was the day that Swedish officials decided to switch from driving on the left side to driving on the right side of the road. Apparently not everyone was aware of this switch. There was chaos, confusion, and crashes.

 

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https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power/

 

 

Decisions.

 

Weapon D7 - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share.

 

Scott

=== Decisions 060319.jpg

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Hope this brightens your day:

 

Ten-year-old Tommy greeted his sister's boy friend very enthusiastically, "That harmonica you gave me for my birthday is easily the best present I have ever had!"


"I'm glad you liked it," the boyfriend replies. "Oh yeah! Mother gives me a quarter a day not to play it!"

The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for the job. "Look Miss," said the foreman, "do you have any experience in picking lemons?"


"Well ... as a matter of fact, Yes!" she replied. "I've been married and divorced three times."

 

Where were you on October 22, 1797? If you were anywhere near Paris, France, then you would have witnessed the first ever parachute jump. That feat goes to André-Jacques Garnerin, who on that day made the jump from a hydrogen balloon 3,200 feet up in the air.

 

https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us.    

 

https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power/

 

 

Democrat Dumbass.

 

Rope B5 - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share.

 

Scott

=== Democrat dumbass 082119.jpg

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Rope Stretcher 170318.jpg

Spike Ladder 020917.jpg

Survivorcord 111918.jpg

Timber Hitch 072419.jpg

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Hope this brightens your day:

 

Teacher: Suppose you have $10 and you asked your brother for $5. How much would you have then?
Student: $10. Teacher: Why? Student: My brother won't give me any money.

 

A mechanic was working under a car and some brake fluid dripped into his mouth. "Wow! That stuff isn't too bad tasting," he thought. The next day, he told his buddy about tasting the brake fluid. "It was pretty good, really. I think I'll have a little more today." His friend was a little concerned, but didn't say anything. The next day, "Hey, I drank a whole glass of brake fluid. Great stuff! I'm going to have more." A few days later, he was up to a bottle a day. "You know," said his buddy, "that brake fluid is poison and really bad for you. You better cut out drinking that stuff." "Hey, no problem. I can stop any time!"

 

In 2007, fourteen squirrels were arrested in Iran. Yes, you read correctly. Fourteen squirrels were spotted near a nuclear enrichment plant and taken in for questioning by the Iranian army. What was their crime? What were they being charged with? Espionage. Apparently they were “spy squirrels”.

 

 

https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us.    

 

https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power/

 

 

Socialism.

 

Crossbow E7 - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share.

 

Scott

=== Socialism 102219.jpg

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Hope this brightens your day:

 

Interviewer: What drives you?  Candidate: The bus mostly. Interviewer: I mean what motivates you to get out of bed in the morning? Candidate: Missing the bus!

 

I was getting ready for a doctor's appointment and remembered how my mother once told me, "An apple a day, keeps the doctor away." Taking her words to heart I decided to bring an apple. Needless to say, it was shot day, I didn't like needles and was thinking, "There must be some way out of this?" So without thinking, I threw my apple at the doctor. He hasn't spoken to me since.

 

French military leader Napoléon Bonaparte was known for many things during the French Revolution and also during his reign as the Emperor of France. One of those would be his fear of cats. Bonaparte suffered from ailurophobia, a phobia that is an extreme or irrational fear of cats.

 

https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us.    

 

https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power/

 

 

Didnt Warn You.

 

Nutrition C7 - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share.

 

Scott

=== Didnt Warn You 082119.jpg

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Hope this brightens your day:

                                                              

Cop: "Seen anything unusual?" Me: "A dolphin with a hat, once." Cop: "I mean around here." Me: "Nah - they live in water."

 

A boxer complains to his doctor about insomnia. Doc: "Have you tried counting sheep?" Boxer: "Yes, but whenever I get to 9, I stand up."

 

What's the difference between 16.5 feet and former New York Yankees' star Alex Rodriguez?   No difference at all, they're both "A Rod"!

 

Mary Jones was debating on the best means of dropping her current flame. Her friend ask: "Are you worried because you think he'll tell lies about you?" Mary answered: "I don't mind the lies, but if he ever tells the truth I will break his neck!"

 

The answer is lifeguards. The question is what is the last thing you would expect to find at an Olympic swimming pool? They are rarely shown on television and they are rarely needed, but they are there. They are there more as an extra precaution, but at least they get to see the action upfront! Not too shabby for a day’s work.

 

Where is a lobster’s brain? If your answer is “in the head”, you would be wrong. A lobster’s brain is located in its throat. In case you are wondering what is located in a lobster’s head, that answer would be its kidneys.

 

https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us.    

 

https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power/

 

 

Scott

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Hope this brightens your day:

 

The only time the world beats a path to your door... Is when you're in the bathroom!

Man: ”They’ll be changing the metric system soon!” Boy: ”Uh, what’s that?” Man: ”They’ll be changing feet to meters! Boy: ”You mean, we'll be playing meterball?”

 

Have an ant problem? Get come chalk! Ants will not cross chalk lines. Crossing chalk lines will throw off their sense of smell and they will not be able to pick up scent trails of other ants.

 

Job Interviewer: "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" Me: "I would say my biggest weakness is listening."

When I worked in the post office, a lady barged in and started complaining that she’d got home to find a note from the postman – he’d tried to deliver a package but nobody was in. “My husband was home all day!” she fumed. After I gave her the package, she said, “Oh, I’m so excited – it’s my husband’s new hearing aid!”

 

The word “hello” came into existence for a highly practical purpose. Something was need to start a phone conversation. Something was needed to let the other person know that you were on the line. It is believed the Alexander Graham Bell was going to go with ‘Ahoy’ but chose hello instead after hearing a person say the word ‘Hullo’, which is an English greeting.

 

https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us.    

 

https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power/

 

 

Expection & Really.

 

Permanent Shelters B7 - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share.

 

Scott

=== Expection & Really  A 090719.jpg

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Tire Fort House C 082019.JPG

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Tire House 191017.jpg

Viet Cong Trench 113018.jpg

WW1 Trench 113018.jpg

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18 minutes ago, Scott Lance Smith said:

Hope this brightens your day:

                                                              

Cop: "Seen anything unusual?" Me: "A dolphin with a hat, once." Cop: "I mean around here." Me: "Nah - they live in water."

 

A boxer complains to his doctor about insomnia. Doc: "Have you tried counting sheep?" Boxer: "Yes, but whenever I get to 9, I stand up."

 

What's the difference between 16.5 feet and former New York Yankees' star Alex Rodriguez?   No difference at all, they're both "A Rod"!

 

Mary Jones was debating on the best means of dropping her current flame. Her friend ask: "Are you worried because you think he'll tell lies about you?" Mary answered: "I don't mind the lies, but if he ever tells the truth I will break his neck!"

 

The answer is lifeguards. The question is what is the last thing you would expect to find at an Olympic swimming pool? They are rarely shown on television and they are rarely needed, but they are there. They are there more as an extra precaution, but at least they get to see the action upfront! Not too shabby for a day’s work.

 

Where is a lobster’s brain? If your answer is “in the head”, you would be wrong. A lobster’s brain is located in its throat. In case you are wondering what is located in a lobster’s head, that answer would be its kidneys.

 

https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us.    

 

https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power/

 

 

Scott

16.5 feet    .....only land surveyors will get this**   HA

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Hope this brightens your day:

 

A Union President was sitting at his son's bedside getting ready to read him a bedtime story. He starts out, "Once upon a time and a half..."

 

Grade school children were asked the question, "Why did your mom marry your dad?" These are some responses: 1. She got too old to do anything else with him.
2. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on. 3. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world, and Mom eats a lot!

 

My brain travels at the speed of light... One second it’s here and the next it’s 186,000 miles away.

 

A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, "How was I born?" "Well, Honey..." said the boy's mom, "the stork brought you to us." "Oh," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked. "Oh, the stork brought us too," chimed in the dad. "Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted. "Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the mom, by now starting to squirm a little in the Lazy Boy recliner. Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write because there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."

 

Going back to the 15th century, men wore high heeled shoes as it helped secure their feet in horse stirrups. It also made them appear taller and (in their eyes) more powerful. Women started wearing high heels around the 16th century.

 

When was the last time you were reading a book or magazine in a dream? If you are like most people, you won’t be able to recall. More than likely, it has never happened. While not impossible, it is highly unlikely. Why does it not happen? Reading is a function of the right side of the brain. Dreaming comes from the left side. When you are dreaming, the right side of your brain is at rest.

 

 

https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us.    

 

https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power/

 

 

Socialist Never Understand.

 

Off Grid Water Heater A4 - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share.

 

Scott

=== Socialist Never Understand 111019.jpg

Off Grid Water Heater E 111018.jpg

Off Grid Water Heater F 111018.jpg

Off Grid Water Heater G 111018.jpg

Off Grid Water Heater H 111018.jpg

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Hope this brightens your day:

 

One of the youth soccer coaches didn't care much for my refereeing and had no problem letting me know it. Fed up, I politely threatened him with a send-off if he didn't stop. He calmed down, but an older woman took up where he'd left off. "You'd better control your sideline," I warned the coach. The coach turned to the woman and barked, "Knock it off, Mom!"

 

An actor had been out of work for years because he always forgot his lines. One day he got a phone call from a director who wanted him for an important part in a play. All the actor had to say was, “Hark! I hear the cannon roar!" Opening night arrived, and while he waited in the wings, the actor muttered to himself, “Hark! I hear the cannon roar! Hark! I hear the cannon roar!" The time for the entrance finally came. As the actor made his appearance onstage, he heard a loud BOOOOM! He turned around and said, “What the heck was that?”

 

My wife and I run a small restaurant where we often name our specials after our employees, dishes like “Sally's Chicken” after our maitre d who gave us the recipe, and “Rod’s Ribs” after a waiter who had his personal style of barbecue. One evening after rereading the menu, I broke with this tradition and changed the description of the special we had named after our chef. Despite her skills and excellent reputation, somehow I didn’t think an entrée named “Salmon Ella” would go over big with our customers.

 

Michelle, is the commander of a Coast Guard cutter. When she gave her dad, Bob, a tour of her ship, he was impressed with the neatness of all decks. However, when Michelle brought Bob to her house, he couldn't believe the disorganization. "Why is everything in its place on your ship," he asked, "but your house is such a mess?"
Michelle replied, "My house doesn't take 30-degree rolls."

 

Students at the UK University of Plymouth can work on their perfume smelling abilities as well as learn the process of how perfumes are made. Through the International Centre for Aroma Trade Studies, one can undergo training and earn a diploma in the field of Perfumery.

 

What is it called when you have not one, not two, but three or more porcupines? That is called trouble! However, in scientific terms it is called a prickle of porcupines.

 

 

https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us.    

 

https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power/

 

 

Successful People.

 

Health B6 - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share.

 

Scott

=== Successful People 111019.jpg

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amazing what people don't know about the possum.....like the hanger clip idea, I always carry a few of the large paper clips, lots of uses.

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