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Scott Lance Smith

The Comedic Stylings of Scott Lance

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Hope this brightens your day:

 

After his marriage broke up, my manager became very philosophical. "I guess it was in our genes," he sighed. "What do you mean?" I asked. "Her sign is the one for earth. Mine is the one for water. Together we made mud."

 

Last year I entered a marathon. The race started and immediately I was the last of the runners. It was embarrassing. The guy who was in front of me, second to last, was making fun of me. He said, "Hey buddy, how does it feel to be last?" I replied, "You really want to know?" Then I dropped out of the race.

 

Everyone has a birthday, right? Well it appears that more people have a birthday on September 9. That is the most common birthday in the United States. Birth data also shows that September is the busiest month for babies being born.

 

Pepper groups should locate as many horses, mules & donkeys as possible. Keep them safe from being eaten, they will be worth their weight in Gold when the SHTF/EOTWAWKI.

 

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Ten Things TT Frighten Socialist in America

 

Really simple

 

Nutrition G7 - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share.

 

Scott

=== Really simple 011220.jpg

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Hope this brightens your day:

 

While working in the psychology department at a local college, I was asked to enlarge a chart for a meeting. I called the copy room and asked, "Can I get something blown up down there?" After a pause, the voice on the line replied, "I think you want the chemistry lab."

 

A couple of guys were discussing the latest play showing in the theater. "I saw the first act, but not the second." "Why not?"  "I couldn't wait that long. It said on the program that the second act was two years later."

 

The teacher heard Little Johnny use some serious language and was shocked. “Little Johnny, don’t you ever use language like that again, not near me, not ever. Where on earth did you learn that?”  “I got it from my dad, Miss,” replies Johnny. “Well, your daddy should be ashamed. I hope you don’t know what all that even means?” “Oh but I do,” says Johnny. “It means the car won’t start.”

 

For years my sister’s husband tried unsuccessfully to persuade her to get a hearing aid. “How much do they cost?” she asked one day after he had pitched the idea to her again. “They’re usually about $3000,” he said. “Okay, well if you say something worth $3000,” she replied, “I’ll get one.”

 

The blue whale is the heaviest animal in the world. In addition to reaching lengths of 80 feet long, they also weigh up to 200 tons, or 400,000 lbs.

 

Who eats the most cheese in the world? The answer is the country of Denmark. They eat cheese at the rate of 28 kg per person (according to 2016 numbers). Iceland came in second place with Finland rounding out the top three.

 

Anyone who believes dumpster diving is Gross & Discussing will be doing a lot worse when the SHTF/EOTWAWKI. Regular alkaline batteries can be recharged, several rechargers on line. “Maxforce” is an industrial strength Roach Killer.

 

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Terms president & congress

 

Retirement

 

First Aid H7 - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share.

 

Scott

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Triage colors mass casualty incident 080419.jpg

Water Schedule For Drinking 8 Glasses Daily 080618.jpg

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Hope this brightens your day:

 

A thief was arrested for breaking into a Toys "R" Us store and stealing a board game... He got Life.

 

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sits alone at a nearby table.
The wife asks, "Do you know her?" "Yes," sighs the husband, "she's my ex-girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since." "My God!" says the wife. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

 

Mom had just returned from shopping and was surveying the ghastly scene in the den. The family computer had been totally smashed into a dozen pieces. "What happened to the PC?" she asked of her 14 year old son. "That was dad's doing," he replied. "As usual he couldn't get it to do what he wanted. I told him to reboot it. That's exactly what he did."

 

Two friends are chatting... "I will give one million dollars to the person who will fulfill my wish." "What is your wish?" "That somebody would give me two million dollars."

 

Russia’s closed cities were literally cities that were “closed”. Only certain residents were allowed to enter. They wouldn’t show up on maps (not till 1993). If you were allowed to enter them, you had to keep it a secret. Trains and bus routes would not go to these cities. These cities were created in order to hide Russia’s research and work for their nuclear weapons program.

 

Peanuts are not nuts. If they aren't nuts, then what are they? They are legumes. Real nuts (also called drupes) grow on trees while peanuts grow underground.

 

Milk was found to be even more hydrating than plain water because it contains lactose (sugar), some protein & fat, all of which help to slow the emptying of fluid from the stomach & keep hydration happening over a longer period of time.

 

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Concreat B6

 

The Native American Commandments

 

Scare the Crap out of your neighbors - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share.

 

Scott

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Concreat blocks entainment center 011220.jpg

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Hope this brightens your day:

 

I went to a smoke shop to discover that it has been replaced by an apparel store...  Clothes, but no cigar.

 

A woman in my office recently divorced after years of marriage, had signed up for a refresher CPR course. "Is it hard to learn?" someone asked. "Not at all," my co-worker replied. "Basically you're asked to breathe life into a dummy. I don't expect to have any problem. I did that for 12 years."

 

Pablo Prigioni became the NBA’s (National Basketball Association) oldest rookie ever when he made his debut on November 2, 2012. Playing for the New York Knicks, the 35 year old would average 3.5 points, 3 assists, and 1 steal per game.

 

My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes. I asked her, "What should I do to stop my addiction?"  She said, "Hey, whatever means necessary." "No, no it doesn't," I said.

 

After reviewing Little Johnny's report card, Johnny's mother gave praise for the marks he received except for one class. "Johnny, I wish you would pay a little attention to your arithmetic." "Well I do," Johnny replied. "I pay as little attention to arithmetic as possible."

 

Potato chip bags can be used as Faraday Cages, they block EMP/electronic signals. For  cell phones & credit cards.  Check your monitor brightness setting-MOST are positioned way to high. I reduced mine from 95 to 15, saves monitor life, electric & eye strain.

 

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Path Of Prepper

 

Voter ID

 

Garden B6 - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share.

 

Scott

=== Path Of Prepper 051205.jpg

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Hope this brightens your day:

 

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

 

Yesterday, I was washing the car with my son. He said: “Dad, can’t you just use a sponge?”

 

Upon receiving her manuscript with a rejection letter back from a major publishing company, the author sent a letter to the editor. "Sir," she began, "you sent back a story of mine. I know that you did not read the story, for as a test I pasted together pages 18,19,20 and 21. My story came back with these pages still stuck together. I know you are a fraud and turned down the manuscript without reading them." The editor replied: "Madam, at breakfast when I open an egg I don't have to eat the whole egg to discover it is bad."

 

A customer walked up to my bank window and asked me to cash a check. “Of course,” I said. “But I’ll need to see ID.” She dug though her purse and handed me a snapshot.
“That’s me in the middle,” she said.

 

The largest recorded earthquake took place in Valdivia, Chile on May 22, 1960. The earthquake that rocked southern Chile registered a 9.5 on the Richter scale.

 

A film set has many moving pieces all going on at the same time. Crews set up the next scene while the actors prepare. Walkie Talkies are everywhere with constant back and forth communication. Two frequently heard terms while filming are “10-1” and “10-2”. What do they mean? 10-1 means you are going to the bathroom to go #1 while 10-2 means you are going to go #2.

 

 

 

When on “Patrol” or Escape/overrun rally point choose the MAIN Post Office. It is the building there is only one in ALL municipalities.

 

 

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Conservative vs Liberal

 

Patriot Creed

 

Nutrition I6 - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share.

 

Scott

=== Conservative vs Liberal 022420.jpg

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Hope this brightens your day:

 

Cop: I’m arresting you for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia. Man: Wait! I can explain everything.

 

What’s the difference between love and marriage? Love is one long, sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock.

 

A long winded attorney was arguing a technical case before one of the judges of the superior courts. The attorney had rambled on in such a desultory way that it became very difficult to follow his line of thought, and the judge had just yawned very suggestively. With a trace of sarcasm in his voice, the tiresome attorney ventured to observe: "I sincerely trust that I am not unduly trespassing on the time of this court." "My friend," returned his honor, "there is considerable difference between trespassing on time and encroaching upon eternity."

 

Lou: Did you hear about the turtle on the New Jersey Turnpike?  Bud: What was the turtle doing on the turnpike? Lou: About one mile an hour.

 

The first country to print paper money was China in 618 A.D. This began during the Tang Dynasty, who referred to the new currency as flying money.

 

Sharks never gets sick. Their tissue carry antibacterial properties that protect them and keep them healthy.

 

 

It would be very interesting to discover who the major donors are to the ANTIGUN Politicians. This will lead us to determine who wants to be the (Rulers) Kings & Queens of the USA.

 

 

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High Beems

 

Paul Rever turn in your guns

 

First Aid I7  - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share.

 

Does everyone realize if the Corona Virus mutates just TEN Percent (10%) it will make the Black Plague look like the Common Cold? If the Corona Virus come in contact with AIDS, Hepatitis, HIV, Measles, Sars (also from China), ETC. People will be dropping in the street. (Omega Man (Movie).

 

Scott

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Sore throat & marshmellows 080919.jpg

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Hope this brightens your day:

 

The judge wanted to make sure the witness understood the solemnity of the occasion. "Do you know what the word 'oath' means?" asks the judge.
"Sure do," says the witness. "Oath means if I swear to a lie, I gotta stick with it."

 

A horse walked into a soda fountain and ordered an ice cream sundae with chocolate ice cream and strawberry syrup, sprinkled with nuts. The young man behind the counter brought the sundae to the horse, who finished it off with great pleasure. Noticing how the young man stared at him as he ate, the horse said, “I suppose you think it’s strange that a horse should come into a soda fountain and order a sundae with chocolate ice cream and strawberry syrup, sprinkled with nuts?” “Not at all,” the young man replied. “I like it that way myself.”

 

Two students were talking about their childhood. "I was a very clever toddler. By the time I was ten months old, I could already walk." "You call that clever?" the other said. "I managed to trick my parents into carrying me until I was three!"

 

"Yes," said the lawyer to his client. "You have got the best case I have ever heard." "Thanks," said the client, grabbing up his coat and heading out the door. "Where are you going?" ask the astonished lawyer. "I'm going to settle this case out of court," said the leaving client. "But I told you it is the best case I have ever heard?" "Maybe," began the client, "but not for me, I told you the other fellow's case."

 

A magician comes up to our table and does a card trick. Impressed, I asked him how he did it. He says "I can tell you, but I'd then have to kidnap you and take you away."
I said, "Can you tell my mother in law?"

 

I told my boss that three companies were after me, so I needed a raise in pay to stay with the current job. He asked which companies? I told him gas, electric, and cable.

 

Mockingbirds are master impersonators. In addition to singing, they can copy the sounds of other birds and of other animals such as frogs and cats. Apparently they can even mimic a squeaking door.

 

What is a spaghetto? A spaghetto is what you call a single strand of spaghetti. And now you know

 

If you have a fear of the nighttime or of darkness, then you suffer from “Nyctophobia”. Freud was said to believe that the fear of darkness comes from a separation anxiety.

 

Converting Modern Vehicles to EMP Safe...Using hot rod / racing parts most vehicles can be retroed back to preelectronic all mechanical set ups. You need an early block though. After about 1991 Chevrolet eliminated the boss on the block for a mechanical fuel pump. Older blocks are still out there as well as new, racing ($$$$) type blocks. You must remove the electric fuel pump from inside the tank and bypass it. Then a mechanical fuel pump, a carburetor and point’s type distributor / coil set up and you’re good to go.

 

 

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Preppers Nothing

 

Idiots Nap

 

Fire G7 - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share.

 

Scott

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Washing machine firepit 191818.jpg

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Hope this brightens your day:

 

Him: "Since Mr. Wilson has lost his money, half his friends don't know him anymore." Her: "And the other half?" Him: "They don't know yet that he's lost his money."

 

As the after dinner speaker gushed on and on, Deacon Miller nodded, and nodded until his head rested on the table cloth. The chairman reached over and bumped him lightly on the head with his gavel. Deacon Miller: "Hit me harder, I can still hear him..."

 

A friend of mine recently announced that he was going to marry a widow. A member of the group indicated that he would not like being the second husband of a widow.
My friend replied, "I would rather be the second husband of a widow rather than the first."

 

The boss called one of his employees into the office. "Rob," he said, "you've been with the company for a year. You started off as an office clerk, one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted to district manager of the sales department. Just four short months later, you were promoted to vice-chairman. Now it's time for me to retire, and I want you to take over the company. What do you say to that?" "Thanks," said the employee. "Thanks?" the boss replied. "Is that all you can say?" "I suppose not," the employee said. "Thanks, Dad."

 

With control of over 1750 pirate ships and 75,000+ men, Ching Shih, a former prostitute, was the most powerful pirate. She was born in 1775 in China, with a birth name of Shil Xiang Gu.

 

The shortest war in the records books took place on August 27, 1896 and lasted a total of 38 minutes. The battle took place on the tiny island of Zanzibar as the British Army defeated military forces led by Khalid bin Bargash. Bargash had just pulled a coup d’etat and taken control of the tiny island. The Brits quickly stopped that.

 

While growing up my father drove truck (Teamster) for “Michigan Fruit Canners” (MFC). Because of media propaganda (advertising) I was under the impression the major international brands (Borden, Dole, Heinz, Listerine, etc) were the “best” (cost, nutrition). Has I grew older, I began to notice these international brands trucks were loading at MFC. My father informed me ALL companies purchase & Barter/TRADE with each other. In most cases it does not matter what BRAND you purchase as long as the ingredients are the same (read label) you are purchasing the same product. Store brands Kroger, Publix, True Value, etc have the same effectiveness as Borden, Dole, Heinz, Listerine, etc at lower costs.

 

 

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Products 4 Sale

 

Corona virus Chinese attack

 

Nutrition J6 - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share.

 

Scott

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Hope this brightens your day:

 

A friend of mine told her husband they had a Catholic bird in their yard. "A what? How do you know it's a Catholic bird?" "Because it's a Cardinal."

 

"My ancestry goes back all the way to Alexander the Great," said Christine. She then turned to Miriam and asked, "How far back does your family go?" "I don't know," replied Miriam, "all of our records were lost in the flood."

 

The teacher asked her student to write on the chalkboard the number 55. The student asked, "How do I do that?" Teacher replied, "Write down the number 5, and beside it add another 5." The student wrote one 5 and stopped. The teacher inquired, "What's wrong?" "I don't know which side to write the other 5?" 

 

During the vows at the wedding the minister asks the bride to be, "Do you take this man to be your wedded husband for better or worse?" The bride answers, "Just as he is Father. If he gets any better, I know the Lord will take him, and if he gets any worse, I'll tend to him myself."

 

Connie Mack was a MLB (Major League Baseball) manager for the Philadelphia Athletics from 1901 to 1950. During this stretch of FIFTY YEARS, he compiled a record of 3,582 wins and 3,814 losses. His teams won 5 World Series.

 

Who doesn’t love the new car smell? After you hear what makes up the new car smell, that might be you. That specific smell comes from a mix of 50 to 60 VOC’s. VOC stands for ‘Volatile Organic Compounds’. Though not dangerous at the levels used for new cars, they are still volatile.

 

In the event of an EMP or Solar Flair; how much would single & double (trailers) homes (covered in Aluminum) would protect our electronics? Your modern vehicle is a faraday cage. The bodywork is metal and conductive (look how many grounds are connected through out). If you truly believe an EMP is emanate then simply ground your vehicle well. Several sets of generator grounding spikes and connect to several parts of the vehicle frame and body.

 

 

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Prohibation

 

Im not sorry & will do it again

 

Fire H7 - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share.

 

Scott

=== Im not sorry & will do it again 012720.jpg

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How Much Charcoal 011117.jpg

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Hope this brightens your day:

 

Why did the cat want to join the Red Cross? He wanted to be a first aid kit!

 

Teacher: Are you good in history? Little Johnny: Yes and no. Teacher: What does that mean? Little Johnny: Yes, I’m no good in history.

 

The trial went on for 4 weeks with testimony by both sides. Finally, the jury retired to determine the verdict. After 2 days the jury had reached a decision to acquit the prisoner.
Judge: "What possible reason could you have for acquitting the prisoner?" Foreman: "Insanity, sir." Judge: "What, all twelve of you?"

 

A fluffle is what you call a group or collection of bunnies. Also, a male rabbit is called a buck.

 

On April 23, 2002, Sesame Street character Elmo became the first non-human to testify before Congress. He was there to defend funding for music programs in schools.

 

It will be nice to know where the Armored Cars (Brinks, Loomis, Dunbar etc), are located,  & Electric power line towers will make excellent Multi level Homes after EOTWAWKI /SHTF.

 

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Racist weak

 

Nuked

 

Nutrition K6 - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share.

 

Scott

=== Nuked 011520.jpg

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First Mouse: I finally got that scientist trained. Second Mouse: How so? First Mouse: Every time I go through the maze and ring the bell, he gives me something to eat.

 

Tourist: "The flies are awfully thick around here. Don’t you ever shoo them?" Native: "Nope, we just let them go barefoot."

 

A housewife with three young children was getting dinner ready when the phone rang. The six-year-old picked it up and said, "Hi, Daddy!" and she began telling him about her day. She then passed the phone to her brother and sister as was the custom whenever Daddy called from work. When it was finally the wife's turn to talk she took the receiver and said, "Hi, honey." "Thank goodness, lady," the voice on the other end replied. "I just called to tell you that the wallpaper you ordered is here!"

 

A telemarketer calls, "I would like to speak with Max, please." The homeowner reluctantly replies, "I suppose that would be possible, but it seems rather strange." The telemarketer responds, "Why would that be?" The homeowner answers, "This is the first time we've ever had a call for the dog."

 

Do you fear commitment? Do you suffer from an extreme fear of getting married? Then you have gamophobia. Gamo is the Greek word for marriage.

 

France wins the prize for the most visited country in the world. The country had 82.6 million visitors in 2017. No surprise either, Paris was the most visited city in the world.

 

When the SHTF; Millions will Starve because they do not have “prepared” food to eat. After EOTWAWKI/SHTF the most difficult commodity to obtain will be nutritious & SAFE food. When less than 100 yards away is a banquet of WILD edible nutritious plants & insects. Their are hundreds of yards/meters of cordage (Vines/ Kudzu) in every acre of land/forest; why carry the (weight) paracord/rope?

 

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Trump Illegals

 

Electoral College

 

First Aid J6 - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share.

 

Scott

=== Electoral College 030520.jpeg

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Hope this brightens your day:

 

I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control. I thought to myself... "Well this changes everything!"

 

Carl: I heard a new joke the other day. I wonder if I told it to you? Lenny: Is it funny? Carl: Yes. Lenny: Then you didn’t.

 

Little Johnny came home from his first day at school. Little Johnny: I’m not going back tomorrow! Mom: Why not, what happened? Little Johnny: Well, I cant read and I can’t write, and they won’t let me talk—so what’s the use?

 

A kind farmer told the forlorn lad whose load of hay had overturned in the road, to forget his troubles and come in and have dinner with his family. "There will be time enough to clean up the load after a good meal." The boy demurred; said he didn't think his father would like it. But the farmer persisted and won. After the meal the boy said he felt better and expressed his appreciation for the hospitality. At the same time, he was sure his father would not be happy. "Nonsense!" said the host. "By the way," he added, "Where is your father?" "Under the hay," was the response.

 

Deja-Vu is the feeling of having been in a specific situation or setting before. Jamais-Vu is the reverse. It is the feeling of seeing or sensing something for the first time, despite knowing that it’s not the first time.

 

The “Code of Hammurabi” is a Babylonian code that dates back to 1754 BC. It is a collection of 282 rules that set the standards for commercial interactions. It also serves justice by setting fines and punishments.

Florida have a bounty on invasive species (snakes & lizards), Why not have a FEDERAL bounty on (Crime Stoppers) Illegals?

 

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Trump NOT Trade War

 

Police - Standing Army

 

Nutrition L6 - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share.

 

Scott

=== Police - Standing Army 011520.jpg

=== Trump NOT Trade War 082519.jpg

20 Uses for Apple Cider Vinegar 122319.jpg

A Fowl Battle 112219.jpg

Baked Bread 121418.jpg

Coconut oil & kale 021220.jpg

Honey 110219.jpg

Snow Ice Cream 111818.jpg

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Hope this brightens your day:

 

A jeweler was on his way to work when he saw a sign that said “Watch for children”... He thought to himself, “That sounds like a fair trade.”

 

A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank..  The rabbit says, "I think I might be a type-O!"

 

Late for work already, I was annoyed to find a strange car in my reserved parking space again. After locating a spot far away, I stormed into my office determined, to have the car towed. As the morning wore on, however, my anger cooled, and I decided to give the driver another chance. During lunchtime, I went outside and left this note on the driver's windshield: "Please don't take my parking space. If you do, and your car disappears, don't say I never towed you!"

 

When her husband came home unexpectedly, the young wife opened the window and told her lover to jump. "You’re mad, this is the thirteenth floor!" he replied, shocked.
"Just jump, this is no time for superstitions!"

 

Don Featherstone is the man responsible for the plastic pink flamingos that seem to end up in backyards and parks everywhere you look. Featherstone, who passed away in 2015, created these famous flamingos in 1957.

 

If you’ve ever seen a Rolls-Royce or seen a picture of one, you know what ‘the spirit of ecstasy’ is. It is the ornament that can be found at front of all Rolls-Royces. It is a woman leaning forward while extending her arms behind her.

 

I do not understand why more people are NOT joining groups & prepping. The evidence of a coming EOTWAWKI/SHTF is being broadcast on a daily basis, dangerous weather patterns, massive fires, wide spread brown/blackouts, levee breaks etc. I guess entertainment “Wheel of Fortune” & sporting events are going to protect them in an emergency. For me; personally, when a disaster occurs, the only ones who I am going to care about is my family & prepper group.

 

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Animals with misleading names

 

Islam Kavlar

 

Fire I7 - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share.

 

Scott

=== Animals with mileading names 030420.jpg

=== Islam Kavlar 120618.jpg

Bow drill fire starter 011220.jpg

Carry lighters 012120.jpg

Dakota Fire Hole 102919.jpg

Fire by water in jar 122319.jpg

Fire starters 022720.jpg

Resign Globs 122819.jpg

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“A cannibal once took my sister to see a Russell Crowe movie?” “Gladiator?” “No, I really miss her.”

 

One doctor ask another if, "Are you any good at palmistry?" "Well, not exactly. However, the other night I did look at a lady's hand, and one glance told me she was going to be lucky," he replied. "Why how's that?" the first doctor ask. The reply: "Well it had four aces in it."

 

Who is Hilmar Moore? He is the longest serving mayor of a United States city. He was the mayor of Richmond, Texas from September 22, 1949 until December 4, 2012, the day he passed away.

 

When I was eight my Dad was taking me to see a movie. On the way there I asked him if he would buy me some gum. He said, "No, you don't need any." After arriving at the theater and taking ours seats, Dad changed his mind. He told me it would be okay for me to have some gum and he was going to get it. I spoke up and said, "You don't need to buy me gum anymore, Daddy. I found some under the seat."

 

What is the name of the first electricity detective? Sherlock Ohms!

 

“Ubiquitous Gaze” is an art technique used by artists when creating/drawing/painting a portrait. This technique makes it look like the subject is looking at you, no matter what angle you are viewing the artwork.

 

 It is a good Idea to keep a supply (four to five of each) of  PAPER maps for  your city, county, state & region. I the event of an CME or EMP electronic GPS with be worthless.  NEVER Underestimate an enemy.

 

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Turn in your guns

 

Corona 5G Death

 

First Aid J6 - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share.

 

Scott

=== Corona 5G Death 031220.jpg

=== Turn in your guns 082519.jpg

Opid Overdose Signs & Symptoms 080919.jpg

Penicillian B 122319.jpg

Snow Melt Dehydration.jpg

Trouble sleeping.jpg

Vicks Vapor rub A 082019.jpg

Wounded Tags 081419.jpg

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On our seventh wedding anniversary I broke out in hives... I think they call that the seven year itch!

 

 

On the way to lunch, a teacher spotted two boys playfully fighting. She asked one of the boys to go to the back of the line and he came back right after. ”Why aren't you at the end of the line?" asked the teacher. The boy replied, "I couldn't, someone was already there."

 

 

Major League Baseball (MLB) Hall-of-Famer Hank Aaron is the career leader in RBI’s (runs batted in). Aaron, who played from 1954 to 1976, has 2,297. Second on the list is Babe Ruth with 2,214.

 

 

The teacher asks Joanie, "If you had a million dollars and gave away one quarter and another quarter and then another quarter, how much would you have left?" Joanie replies, "A million dollars minus 75 cents."

 

 

One sunny day a man decided to go jump from an airplane. When he jumped there was good and bad news.... Good news: He had a parachute. Bad News: It didnt work. Good News: There was a haystack down below. Bad news: There was a pitchfork in the haystack. Good News: He missed the pitchfork. Bad News: He missed the haystack.

 

 

What do you call the top (or tip) of umbrella? The part that extends above the umbrella canopy itself is called a ferrule.
 

 

Exotic ammo & .50s will be difficult to locate in a SHTF, better to purchase a 357, will also fire 38, 38 special. A Judge or S&W Governor fires 45, 45 Long Colt or 410. My Bushmaster 556 will also fire 223. If SHTF where are you going to find ammo? You will find 5.56, .223, 9mm, 7.62NATO everywhere, but 7.62 Russian?

 

 

 

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Putin Election

 

21 Murphys laws of combat

 

Insects C8 - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share.

 

Scott

=== 21 Murphys laws of combat 071217.jpg

=== Putin Election 200718.jpg

Pest control cheat sheet 120719.jpg

Spider 070319.jpg

Spider 092719.jpg

Tick Repellent Recipe 220518.jpg

Venomous Spiders 062519.jpg

Vicks Insect Repellant 091516.jpg

WD-40 091516.jpg

Yellow Stripy Things 042619.jpg

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I've started a new exercise program. I do twenty sit-ups every morning. That may not sound like a lot, but you can only hit that SNOOZE button just so many times...

 

My husband and I took our two-year-old daughter to the home-improvement store.Madison got tired of walking, so my husband let her ride on his shoulders. As he walked, Madison began pulling his hair. Although he asked her to stop several times, she kept on. Getting annoyed, he scolded, "Madison! Stop that!" "But, Daddy," she replied, "I'm just trying to get my gum back."

 

 

Pysanka is the Ukranian tradition in which you decorate a Slavic egg with traditional folk designs. The words ‘pysanka’ comes from the word pysaty, which means to write or scribe.

 

Apple cider vinegar (WITH MOTHER) is the most popular type of vinegar in the natural health community. It is claimed to lead to all sorts of benefits, many of which are supported by science. This includes weight loss, reduced cholesterol, lower blood sugar levels & improved symptoms of diabetes. Health benefits of Black Seed Oil & Cinnamon for Diabetes can improve your blood sugar regulation by increasing your glucose. It can help to reduce those sharp increases in blood sugar levels after eating, & Black Seed Oil & Cinnamon improves the effectiveness of insulin. It is known to help with the digestive functions & prevent tooth decay.

 

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Sanuary Cities & Corona

 

USA Racist, World

 

First Aid K7  - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share.

 

Scott

=== Sanuary Cities & Corona 031620.jpg

=== USA Racist, World 080919.jpg

DIY Ice Pack A 082019.jpg

Natures 10 Best Antibiotics 071419.jpg

Occult & Anatomy 072119.jpg

Over Training A 060319.jpg

Top Natural Pain Killers 170318.jpg

Triage colors mass casualty incident 080419.jpg

Water Schedule For Drinking 8 Glasses Daily 080618.jpg

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May: "I've never been skiing before." Dad: "You don't want to, trust me." May: "Why?" Dad: "You meet many bad things, like pine tree for instance."

 

A Policeman stops a speeding car and tells the woman driver, "When I saw you driving down the road, I thought to myself, 'sixty-five at least.'” "SIXTY-FIVE!" shrieked the woman. "Yes, sixty-five." "I don’t think that is quite fair. I think this hat makes me look older."

 

In 2010, Japanese researchers came out with a smoke alarm specifically for the hearing impaired. When triggered, or activated, the alarm would release a wasabi scented mist (technically speaking the chemical compound allyl isothiocyanate) that would let people know there is smoke.

 

One of the most important & cheapest products for a prepper is SEEDS: The term HEIRLOOM vegetable is used to describe any type of vegetable seed that has been saved and grown for a period of years & is passed down by the gardener that preserved it. It has a provenance, of sorts. To be capable of being saved, all heirloom seed must be open-pollinated, so that it will grow true to seed. Open-pollinated plants are simply varieties that are capable of producing seeds that will produce seedlings just like the parent plant. Hybrid plants do not do this.  Instead of storing massive amounts of food, it would be more efficient to read books on consuming wild plants.  Read one chapter evening before sleep you can be a expert with a year.

 

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Venezuela Then & Now

 

Jogging

 

Survivial Chk Lists B7 - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share.

 

Scott

=== Jogging 271217.jpg

=== Venezuela Then & Now 082519.jpg

EDC Survivial Kit 201117.jpg

Emergency Evacuation Kit 210218.jpg

Emergency Kits 091516.jpg

Pack-Dont Pack 091516.jpg

Prepping $5 a Week 200518.jpg

Prepping 15 & 30 Minute Warning 092018.jpg

Survivial - Urban Gear Checklist 020818.jpg

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Hope this brightens your day:

 
May: "I've never been skiing before." Dad: "You don't want to, trust me." May: "Why?" Dad: "You meet many bad things, like pine tree for instance."
 
A Policeman stops a speeding car and tells the woman driver, "When I saw you driving down the road, I thought to myself, 'sixty-five at least.'” "SIXTY-FIVE!" shrieked the woman. "Yes, sixty-five." "I don’t think that is quite fair. I think this hat makes me look older."
 
In 2010, Japanese researchers came out with a smoke alarm specifically for the hearing impaired. When triggered, or activated, the alarm would release a wasabi scented mist (technically speaking the chemical compound allyl isothiocyanate) that would let people know there is smoke.
 
One of the most important & cheapest products for a prepper is SEEDS: The term HEIRLOOM vegetable is used to describe any type of vegetable seed that has been saved and grown for a period of years & is passed down by the gardener that preserved it. It has a provenance, of sorts. To be capable of being saved, all heirloom seed must be open-pollinated, so that it will grow true to seed. Open-pollinated plants are simply varieties that are capable of producing seeds that will produce seedlings just like the parent plant. Hybrid plants do not do this.  Instead of storing massive amounts of food, it would be more efficient to read books on consuming wild plants.  Read one chapter evening before sleep you can be a expert with a year.
 
https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us.    Copy/Cut & paste link
https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power. Copy & paste link
 
Venezuela Then & Now 
 
Jogging
 
Survivial Chk Lists B7 - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share.
 

Scott

=== Jogging 271217.jpg

=== Venezuela Then & Now 082519.jpg

EDC Survivial Kit 201117.jpg

Emergency Evacuation Kit 210218.jpg

Emergency Kits 091516.jpg

Pack-Dont Pack 091516.jpg

Prepping $5 a Week 200518.jpg

Prepping 15 & 30 Minute Warning 092018.jpg

Survivial - Urban Gear Checklist 020818.jpg

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Hope this brightens your day:

 

Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well deserved complaining and self-pitying. She moaned to her mom and her younger brother, "Nobody loves me...the whole world hates me!" Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up at her and passed on this encouraging word... "That's not true, Mary. Some people don't even know you."

 

Shirley and Abe, a retired couple from New York City, living in Miami Beach, are getting ready to go out to dinner. Shirley says, "Abe, darling, do you want me to wear this Chanel suit or the Gucci?" Abe says, "I don't care." A few minutes later Shirley says, "Abe, should I wear my Cartier watch or my Rolex?" Abe says, "Your choice."
A few more minutes pass and Shirley says, "Abe, love, shall I wear my five-carat pearl diamond ring or my six-carat round diamond ring with the baguettes?" Abe says, "Shirley, I really don't care what you wear, but if you don't get moving, we're going to miss the Early Bird Special."

 

I'm great at multi-tasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

 

As I stepped out of the shower, I heard someone in my kitchen downstairs. Knowing that my wife was out, I grabbed my 1903 heirloom rifle—which no longer works—and crept downstairs, forgetting the fact that I was in my birthday suit. I came around the corner with the gun raised, only to find my wife loading the dishwasher. “What are you doing?” she asked. “I thought I heard an intruder. 
I came down to scare him.” Scanning the contours of my doughy, naked body, she mumbled, “You didn’t need the gun.”

 

The world’s oldest roller coaster is located in Lakemont Park in Altoona, Pennsylvania. Leap-the-Dips gave its first ride in 1902. The mammoth side friction roller coaster reaches heights of 41 feet and a whopping speed of 10 mph (miles per hour).

 

In order to escape the planet Earth’s gravitational pull, a space shuttle must reach travel speeds of 7 miles per second, or 25,000 miles per hour.


 

Food expiration dates are ONLY marketing avenues for Multination’s.  Why does million year old salt or water have expiration dates.  Cans of food have been found in WW1 abandon bunkers, still edible. I would not go back as far as WWl, but undamaged cans within a couple of years, should be ok. Keeping Pharmaceuticals in a Freezer in another means of maintaining quality.

 

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Vets Eyes

 

Killing spree

 

First Aid L6 - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share.

 

Scott

=== Killing spree 013120.jpg

=== Vets Eyes.jpg

Hot Bath 110518.jpg

Natures 11 Most Powerfull Antibiotics 310518.jpg

Natures Antibiotics 092918.jpg

Penicillian A 122319.jpg

Pine Resign Save 122819.jpg

Sweet Potatp Reduces Sugar Addiction 112219.jpg

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Who is the coolest doctor in the hospital? The hip consultant.

 

I love bacon. Sometimes I eat it twice a day.It helps take my mind off the terrible chest pains I keep getting.

 

A woman rushes into her house one morning and yells to her husband, "Sam, pack up your stuff. I just won the lottery!" "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?" "Whatever. Just so you're out of the house by noon!"

 

A tourist stopped at a country gas station. While his car was being serviced, he noticed an old-timer basking in the sun with a piece of rope in his hand. The tourist walked up to the old-timer and asked, “What do you have there?” “That’s a weather gauge, sonny,” the old-timer replied. “How can you possibly tell the weather with a piece of rope?”
“It’s simple,” said the old-timer. “When it swings back and forth, it’s windy, and when it gets wet, it’s raining.”

 

Almost as important as the invention of ice cream is the invention of the ice cream cone. We give that credit to Italo Marchiony, who in 1896 created the first one. It wouldn’t be until 1903 that he patented his creation.

 

Johnny and the Moondogs was the brief group name for the Beatles. Johnny was John Lennon and the Moondogs were Paul (McCartney), Ringo (Starr), and George (Harrison).


 

Scientific studies have shown that your heartbeat will mimic the music beats and tempo of the song you are listening to. If it’s a slow ballad, your heart is mellow. If the song you are listening to hits a crescendo, your heart will constrict the blood vessels. This will cause your blood pressure and heart rate to go up.

 

 

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Second Infringed

 

Americas Creed

 

Nutrition M7 - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share.

 

Scott

=== Americas Creed 102219.jpg

=== Second Infringed 022820.jpg

9 Foods TT Last Forever 080918.jpg

Cattails 061319.jpg

Deficiency Chart OF Micronutrients A 082019.jpg

Food Storage Periods 072119.jpg

Mushrooms 100119.jpg

Plant bassed meat 021220.jpg

Wild game Calories 091516.jpg

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Teacher: Little Johnny, if one and one make two, and two and two makes four, how much does four and four make? Little Johnny: That isn’t fair, teacher. You answer the easy ones yourself and leave the hard ones for us.

 

Late for work already, I was annoyed to find a strange car in my reserved parking space again. After locating a spot far away, I stormed into my office determined, to have the car towed. As the morning wore on, however, my anger cooled, and I decided to give the driver another chance. During lunchtime, I went outside and left this note on the driver's windshield: "Please don't take my parking space. If you do, and your car disappears, don't say I never towed you!"

 

In San Diego to work with military linguists, my colleague and I checked into a hotel and ordered a 5 a.m. wake-up call. The next morning, the phone didn’t ring until 5:30. “You were supposed to call us at 5 a.m.!” I admonished the desk clerk on the other end of the line. “What if I had to close a ­million-dollar contract this morning? Your oversight would have cost me the deal!” “Sir,” he said calmly, “if you had to close that type of deal, I doubt you’d be staying in this type of hotel.”

 

Husband: “Call 911 quick, I think I’m having a heart attack!“ The wife picked up his cell phone to call. She said, “Give me your password!” Husband: "Never mind, I’m feeling much better now."

 

According to a recent Australian study, the life expectancy of a musician is much shorter than that of the average person. It was calculated that the life expectancy difference is about 20-25 years less for the musical ones.

 

NASA (National Aeronautics and Space Administration) has no issues when it comes to surfing the web or streaming videos. While 25-50 Mb per second are the “norm speed” for everyday internet use, NASA’s internet speed is 91Gb (with a ‘G’) per second.
 

Food expiration dates are ONLY marketing avenues for Multination’s.  Why does million year old salt or water have expiration dates.  Cans of food have been found in WW1 abandon bunkers, still edible. I would not go back as far as WWl, but undamaged cans within a couple of years, should be ok. Keeping Pharmaceuticals in a Freezer in another means of maintaining quality.

 

https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us.    Copy/Cut & Paste Link

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LSD Cat

 

Warrior Traing

 

Government E6 - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share.

 

Scott

=== LSD Cat 050818.jpg

=== Warrior Traing 090719.jpg

911 Taught Us 112219.jpg

Hong Kong Weapons 112919.jpg

Lenin 090918.jpg

Math W CDC Numbers 092719.jpg

Official Penalties Under Islam 073119.jpg

Prohibation 091516.jpg

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A man is stunned when his hot, newly divorced neighbor knocks at his door. He answers eagerly and she asks him, "Are you free tonight?" He blurts out, "Yes!" She asks, "Great! Would you watch my kids?"

 

Two little girls were playing together one afternoon in the park when one said, "I wonder what time it is?. "Well, it can't be four o'clock," replied the other with magnificent logic. "How do you know," asked the first girl. "Because my mother said I was to be home by four o'clock and I'm not."

 

One morning the phone rang at 3:00 a.m. in Jeff's house. He picked up the phone and a woman asked, "Is this 555-1111?" "No, this is 555-1112." Jeff replied. "Oh, I'm so sorry for disturbing you," the woman said. "That's alright," Jeff said. "I had to get up to answer the phone anyway."

 

Last October my wife bought a magnolia tree from the local nursery, but after only a few weeks the leaves shriveled. It appeared to be on its last legs. My wife took some leaf samples and marched into the nursery to demand an explanation. "I know exactly what's wrong with your magnolia," said the manager. "Good," said my wife. "What's it  ffering from?" "Autumn," he replied.

 

The winner is, the Sony Playstation 2! With sales crossing the 155+ million units sold mark, the Playstation 2 (also known as PS2) currently ranks as the highest selling game console of all-time.

 

The piano was invented in Italy in the early 1700’s by Bartolomeo Cristofori. The original name for this new instrument was “piano et forte”, which means ‘soft and loud’. Cristofori then shortened it to piano.

 

Scientific studies have shown that your heartbeat will mimic the music beats and tempo of the song you are listening to. If it’s a slow ballad, your heart is mellow. If the song you are listening to hits a crescendo, your heart will constrict the blood vessels. This will cause your blood pressure and heart rate to go up.

 

 

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Welfare

 

Mil grade spec

 

Weapon E7 - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share.

 

Scott

=== Mil grade spec 011220.png

=== Welfare 082519.png

L Shaped Ambush 122819.jpg

Sword from Wrench 100119.jpg

Trigger Mech 092917.jpg

Trigger Mech B 092917.jpg

Trigger Mech C 092917.jpg

Types of Knifes 091418.jpg

Weighted club 090218.jpg

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My friend is notorious for waiting until the needle is on empty before filling his gas tank. Finally his car died on him, and we had to push it to the nearest filling station. After my friend finished pumping gas, the attendant asked if he had learned anything. “Yeah,” my friend muttered, “I learned I have a 15-gallon tank.”

 

After shopping at a busy store, another woman and I happened to leave at the same time, only to be faced with the daunting task of finding our cars in the crowded parking lot. Just then my car horn beeped, and I was able to locate my vehicle easily. “Wow,” the woman said. “I sure could use a gadget like that to help me find my car.” “Actually,” I replied, “that’s my husband.”

 

Sam: I’m having a lot of trouble with eczema, teacher. Teacher: Heavens, where do you have it? Sam: I don’t have it, I just can’t spell it.

 

Cenosillicaphobia is a real thing and it affects many people. What is it exactly? It is the fear of an empty beer glass.

 

During history class the teacher was discussing George Washington. "George Washington, not only did he chopped down his cherry tree," the teacher explained, "but he also admitted to doing it. Does anyone know why his father did not punish him? " After a few minutes of silence Little Johnny answered, "Maybe because George still had the ax in his hand?"

 

A) Were there one level of taxes then everyone would game the system to avoid it. If you make money under the table, you still pay sales tax. Even if you sell on the black market, you need to fuel your car. B) different levels of government manage these different taxes. Around here, the municipality gets the land tax, but the feds and provinces get income tax and sales tax. We have enough trouble with the levels of government funding each other.

 

 

https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us.    Copy/Cut & Paste Link

https://www.facebook.com/groups/205180240084761/

https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power. Copy & paste link

 

What are you for

 

Happy hunting

 

First Aid M6 - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share.

 

Scott

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=== What are you for 091519.jpg

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Chemical Warefare Nerve Agents 290418.jpg

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