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Scott Lance Smith

The Comedic Stylings of Scott Lance

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Hope this brightens your day:

 

Why did the Engineering grad became a pilot? In order to "land" himself a job!

 

Husband stepping out of the shower, "Honey, I think I'm losing weight finally!" Wife replies, "Why's that?" "My towel's fitting a lot looser!"

 

NBA retired legend Kareem Abdul Jabbar and active legend Lebron James are the only two players to win NBA Finals MVP with two different teams. Lebron won with the Miami Heat and Cleveland Cavaliers. Kareem won with the Los Angeles Lakers and Milwaukee Bucks.

 

A hypochondriac told his doctor he was certain he had a fatal disease. “Nonsense,” scolded the doctor. “You wouldn’t know if you had that. With that particular disease there’s no discomfort of any kind.” “Oh no!” gasped the patient. “Those are my symptoms exactly.”

 

“Boss can I have a week off around Christmas?”  “It’s May...” “Sorry. May I have a week off around Christmas?”

 

There is a law in the state of Arizona that says it is illegal for a donkey to fall asleep in a bathtub.

A MAJOR percentage of the price of all products made in China/Russia you purchase go DIRECTLY to finance the Chinese/Russian Militaries. To say nothing of the cost to the U.S. economy & jobs.

We have a recycling problem, with thousands of Jails/Prisons in the U.S. with Millions of inmates; why are these people not being used to sort & recycle trash? EACH of Jail/Prison could be a recycling center. Inmates would be paid in REAL cash to their Jail/Prison account. Farming/Gardening Vacant land is also a an idea.

 

Preppers should become proficient with flintlocks, Bows & Axes; when the SHTF bullets will be in short supply; Arrows (silent), gunpowder & shot can be produced rather easily. Peppers should attend renaissance fairs & rendezvous learn ancient crafts.

 

Smoking - Feel Free To “Click on”- Copy/Paste & Share.

 

https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power/

 

https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com/WE are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us.

 

I very much enjoy reading your comments to my Posts.

 

Scott

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Hope this brightens your day:

 

My friend Jay had twin girls recently and he wanted to name them after him... So I suggested Kaye and Elle.

 

A fisherman returned to shore with a giant marlin that was bigger and heavier than he. On the way to the cleaning shed, he ran into a second fisherman who had a stringer with a dozen baby minnows. The second fisherman looked at the marlin, turned to the first fisherman and said, "Only caught one, eh?"

 

Father: Son, I donated all your toys to the children's home. Son: Why did you do that? Father: So you will not be bored there.

 

I started a new job as a security guard last night. Before my boss left he told me I had to make sure I watched the office all night. I am on season 2 already but I don't know what it has to do with security.

 

In the sunny state of California, there is a law that prohibits an individual from eating an orange in a bathtub.

 

Averaging over 57,000 visitors per day in 2018, Magic Kingdom in Orlando, Florida was the most visited amusement park last year.

 

A MAJOR percentage of the price of all products made in China/Russia you purchase go DIRECTLY to finance the Chinese/Russian Militaries. To say nothing of the cost to the U.S. economy & jobs.

 

We have a recycling problem, with thousands of Jails/Prisons in the U.S. with Millions of inmates; why are these people not being used to sort & recycle trash? EACH of Jail/Prison could be a recycling center. Inmates would be paid in REAL cash to their Jail/Prison account. Farming/Gardening Vacant land is also a an idea.

 

Preppers should become proficient with flintlocks, Bows & Axes; when the SHTF bullets will be in short supply; Arrows (silent), gunpowder & shot can be produced rather easily. Peppers should attend renaissance fairs & rendezvous learn ancient crafts.

 

Bobby Traps - Feel Free To “Click on”- Copy/Paste & Share.

 

https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power/

 

https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com/WE are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us.

 

I very much enjoy reading your comments to my Posts.

 

Scott

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Hope this brightens your day:

 

My wife is mad at me, says I have no sense of direction. So I packed all my bags and right!

 

My new neighbor, Hans, just moved to the states from Norway and was arrested for speeding... driving 66 miles an hour in a 50 mph zone. However, he explained to the officer, "I saw a big sign with 66 on it." "That's highway 66," the officer said disgustedly. Hans replied, "You should have seen me yesterday on Highway 110!"

 

Two neighbors living in New York’s stockbroker belt were discussing how they had made their respective fortunes. One said, “When I came here from Mexico three years ago, all I had was the boots on my feet and a sack on my back. Look at me now: a $10 million house, a $3 million penthouse apartment, three classic cars worth $1 million each, a yacht worth $3 million, and $5 million in the bank.” “That’s amazing,” said his neighbor. “Tell me, what was in the sack?” “Twenty-four million dollars.”

 

A married couple were enjoying a luxury South Sea cruise until their liner was shipwrecked and they were washed ashore on a desert island, the only survivors. Day after day, they looked hopefully out to sea in the hope of spotting a passing vessel but none came. As boredom set in, they started to think about their home back in Arizona. The wife asked, “Did you remember to pay the final installment on the Chevrolet before we came away?” “No, honey, I clean forgot. Sorry.” ”Did you remember to pay the electric bill before we left home?” “No, I completely forgot. Sorry.” ”Did you remember to pay the gas bill?” ”Do you know, that slipped my mind, too. Sorry.” “And did you remember to pay the six-monthly tax bill?” ”I knew there was something important I had to do. I’m really sorry honey.” ”Well, at least there’s one good thing,” sighed the wife. “What’s that?” ”They’ll find us.”

 

With 5.6 million visitors, the National Air and Space Museum in Washington, D.C., wins the honor of most visited US museum in 2018.

 

Twenty years ago today, June 17, 1999, "Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me" was the #1 movie in the United States. The Michael Myers comedy would gross just under $55 million in the box office.

 

A MAJOR percentage of the price of all products made in China/Russia you purchase go DIRECTLY to finance the Chinese/Russian Militaries. To say nothing of the cost to the U.S. economy & jobs.

 

We have a recycling problem, with thousands of Jails/Prisons in the U.S. with Millions of inmates; why are these people not being used to sort & recycle trash? EACH of Jail/Prison could be a recycling center. Inmates would be paid in REAL cash to their Jail/Prison account. Farming/Gardening Vacant land is also a an idea.

 

Preppers should become proficient with flintlocks, Bows & Axes; when the SHTF bullets will be in short supply; Arrows (silent), gunpowder & shot can be produced rather easily. Peppers should attend renaissance fairs & rendezvous learn ancient crafts.

 

Meds - Feel Free To “Click on”- Copy/Paste & Share.

 

https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power/

 

https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com/WE are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us.

 

I very much enjoy reading your comments to my Posts.

 

Scott

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Hope this brightens your day:

 

I was sitting behind an enthusiastic mom at my son’s Little League game. Her boy was pitching for the opposing team and she cheered as he threw wild pitch after wild pitch. The poor kid walked every batter. It was only the first inning and the score was 12–0. Then one batter finally hit the ball. "Oh no," the mom wailed. "There goes his no-hitter."

 

I was waiting tables at a country club when an elegantly dressed woman spilled Manhattan clam chowder all over her white linen skirt. She began furiously dabbing at it with a napkin. Having plenty of experience with getting out food stains, I asked, "Can I bring you some club soda?" "Young lady," she barked, "I'll be the judge of when I've had enough to drink. Bring me another martini!" 

 

Happy hour is not legal in Ireland. Since 2003, no place in Ireland can lower the price of beer or any alcoholic beverage for certain, specific hours of the day.

 

Boss: Congratulations! I'm promoting you to manage our Montreal office! Young man (disappointed): But sir! There's nothing up there but bar girls and hockey players.
Boss (now insulted): I'll have you know that MY MOTHER is from Montreal! Young man (thinking fast): No kidding? What hockey team did she play on?

 

Genie: OK, I'm ready for your third wish. Me: Third? What about the first two? Genie: Well, this is a little unusual, but after your first wish, you screamed like a madman and said "I wish I'd never made that wish!" So that counted as your second wish, and I erased your memory of both of them. Me: Well, OK. I wish I really understood how women think. Genie: Granted. By the way, that was your first wish, too.

 

A MAJOR percentage of the price of all products made in China/Russia you purchase go DIRECTLY to finance the Chinese/Russian Militaries. To say nothing of the cost to the U.S. economy & jobs.

 

We have a recycling problem, with thousands of Jails/Prisons in the U.S. with Millions of inmates; why are these people not being used to sort & recycle trash? EACH of Jail/Prison could be a recycling center. Inmates would be paid in REAL cash to their Jail/Prison account. Farming/Gardening Vacant land is also a an idea.

 

Preppers should become proficient with flintlocks, Bows & Axes; when the SHTF bullets will be in short supply; Arrows (silent), gunpowder & shot can be produced rather easily. Peppers should attend renaissance fairs & rendezvous learn ancient crafts.

 

Camping - Feel Free To “Click on”- Copy/Paste & Share.

 

https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power/

 

https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com/WE are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us.

 

I very much enjoy reading your comments to my Posts.

 

Scott

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Hope this brightens your day:

 

I was observing two men that were working for the public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in. After a while I had to ask, "Why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?" The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the lad who plants the trees called in sick."

 

A young lady visited a computer dating service and requested, "I'm looking for a spouse. Can you please help me to find a suitable one?" The matchmaker said, "What exactly are you looking for?" "Well, let me see. Needs to be good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good at singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour if I don't go out. Be able to tell me interesting stories when I need a companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest." The matchmaker entered the information into the computer and, in a matter of moments, handed the results to the woman: "Buy a television."

 

There exists in Brazil a soccer field that earned the name the "Zero" stadium. It is called so because the midfield line lies exactly on the equator line of the planet Earth.

 

Elvis Presley, the King of Rock N' Roll, did many things during his musical career. One thing he never did was perform outside of North America.

 

Seeing his shares plummet on a black morning during the recession, the boss called to his secretary, “Get my broker, Miss Wilks!” ”Certainly, sir. Stock or pawn?”

 

What did the Brit say when he paid 2,000 pounds for his fridge? "Goodness gracious, that costs a ton!"

 

A MAJOR percentage of the price of all products made in China/Russia you purchase go DIRECTLY to finance the Chinese/Russian Militaries. To say nothing of the cost to the U.S. economy & jobs.

We have a recycling problem, with thousands of Jails/Prisons in the U.S. with Millions of inmates; why are these people not being used to sort & recycle trash? EACH of Jail/Prison could be a recycling center. Inmates would be paid in REAL cash to their Jail/Prison account. Farming/Gardening Vacant land is also a an idea.

 

Preppers should become proficient with flintlocks, Bows & Axes; when the SHTF bullets will be in short supply; Arrows (silent), gunpowder & shot can be produced rather easily. Peppers should attend renaissance fairs & rendezvous learn ancient crafts.

 

Plant Information A - Feel Free To “Click on”- Copy/Paste & Share.

 

https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power/

 

https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com/WE are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us.

 

I very much enjoy reading your comments to my Posts.

 

Scott

1900s Garden Plow 020818.jpg

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Hope this brightens your day:

 

A man walked up to the counter of an auto-part store. "Excuse me," he said, "I'd like to get a new gas cap for my Yugo." "Sure," the clerk replied. "Sounds like a fair exchange to me."

 

A mother was visiting her son on an Army base, and chatted with a colleague of his. "What rank are you?" she asked. "I'm relieved to say that I've just been promoted from captain to major." "Why relieved?" "Because," he replied, "my last name is Hook."

 

My neighbor rang on my doorbell at 3 am... can you believe it!? Luckily I was still up playing the drums.

 

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German man are watching a street performer. While he’s juggling, the street performer notices that the four have a bad view, so he stands on a crate and asks them, “Can you all see me now?” 

The four guys respond to him, “Yes...” “Oui...” “Si...” “Ja!”

 

What did the legendary singer Elvis Presley do when he was 22 years old? He paid just over $100,000 to purchase the mansion that became known as Graceland.

 

During World War I, the military would use the Eiffel Tower as a radio tower. They would use it to intercept enemy transmission.

 

A MAJOR percentage of the price of all products made in China/Russia you purchase go DIRECTLY to finance the Chinese/Russian Militaries. To say nothing of the cost to the U.S. economy & jobs.

We have a recycling problem, with thousands of Jails/Prisons in the U.S. with Millions of inmates; why are these people not being used to sort & recycle trash? EACH of Jail/Prison could be a recycling center. Inmates would be paid in REAL cash to their Jail/Prison account. Farming/Gardening Vacant land is also a an idea.

 

Preppers should become proficient with flintlocks, Bows & Axes; when the SHTF bullets will be in short supply; Arrows (silent), gunpowder & shot can be produced rather easily. Peppers should attend renaissance fairs & rendezvous learn ancient crafts.

 

Survivial Check Lists A - Feel Free To “Click on”- Copy/Paste & Share.

 

https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power/

 

https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com/WE are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us.

 

I very much enjoy reading your comments to my Posts.

 

Scott

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Hope this brightens your day:

 

Upon arrival, the lumberjack started to swing at the tree, when the tree suddenly shouted, “Wait! I’m a talking tree!” The lumberjack grinned and said, “And you will dialogue!”

 

A gorilla walks into a bar and, to the amazement of the bartender, orders a martini. When the bartender gives the gorilla the martini, he is further surprised to see that the ape is holding a $20 bill. The bartender takes the $20 bill, then he decides to see just how smart the gorilla is, so he hands the gorilla $1 change. The gorilla quietly sips the martini until the bartender breaks the silence. "We don't get too many apes in here," he says. The gorilla replies, "At $19 a drink, I'm not surprised."

 

Man: "Do you know how much it is to rent a church singing group? Priest: "My son, do you mean a choir?" Man: "Fine Father, do you know how much it is to acquire a church singing group?"

 

In 2014, scientist discovered 37 million year old fossil remains in Antartica. These fossils belonged to penguins who are believed to have been 6'8"tall and weigh close to 250lbs.

 

While driving a truck I once had to make a delivery to Death Valley, California. When I arrived it was 128 degrees Fahrenheit. After just a few minutes I was so miserable I was afraid I was going to die. After a couple hours, it was still 128 degrees, but I was so miserable that I was afraid I wasn't going to die.

 

A MAJOR percentage of the price of all products made in China/Russia you purchase go DIRECTLY to finance the Chinese/Russian Militaries. To say nothing of the cost to the U.S. economy & jobs.

 

We have a recycling problem, with thousands of Jails/Prisons in the U.S. with Millions of inmates; why are these people not being used to sort & recycle trash? EACH of Jail/Prison could be a recycling center. Inmates would be paid in REAL cash to their Jail/Prison account. Farming/Gardening Vacant land is also a an idea.

 

Preppers should become proficient with flintlocks, Bows & Axes; when the SHTF bullets will be in short supply; Arrows (silent), gunpowder & shot can be produced rather easily. Peppers should attend renaissance fairs & rendezvous learn ancient crafts.

 

Still - Feel Free To “Click on”- Copy/Paste & Share.

 

https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power/

 

https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com/WE are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us.

 

I very much enjoy reading your comments to my Posts.

 

Scott

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Hope this brightens your day:

 

A penguin walks into a bar. He goes to the counter and asks the bartender, "Have you seen my brother?" Bartender replies, "I don't know, what does he look like?"

 

A guy walks into a shoe store and asks for a pair of shoes that are clearly undersized for him. The salesman says, "But, sir, I can see from up here that you'll need much bigger shoes than that." The guy says, "That's OK, please bring me the smaller ones." The salesman brings them, the guy stuffs his feet into them, ties them tight, and then he stands up, obviously in pain. The salesman just has to ask, "Sir, why must you have these undersized shoes?" He says to the salesman, "I work a boring job, my mother-in-law has just moved in with us, my wife is nagging all the time, and our daughter does nothing but run around screaming the whole day. The only pleasure I have in life is taking off these tight shoes."

 

What's the difference between a vision and a sight? When my wife gets dressed up for a party she looks like a vision and when she wakes up in the morning she's a sight!

 

A climate scientist and a climate-change denier walk into a bar. The climate-change denier goes to the bartender and asks for the strongest drink in the house. The bartender takes out a bottle and says, "This is Absinthe, about 75% alcohol. Can I sell you a glass?" The climate-change denier gets all upset and leaves the bar in a huff. The climate scientist says to the bartender, "Those climate-change deniers! You can show them the proof but they still won't buy it!

 

During his final days, before passing away, Apple co-founder Steve Jobs allegedly made a request for five different oxygen masks. He did that so he could choose the one with the best design.

 

Titanoboa is an extinct giant snake that dates back to over 55+ million years ago. Found in northeaster Columbia, these snakes could grow up to 42 ft long and weigh as much as 2500 lbs.

 

A MAJOR percentage of the price of all products made in China/Russia you purchase go DIRECTLY to finance the Chinese/Russian Militaries. To say nothing of the cost to the U.S. economy & jobs.

 

We have a recycling problem, with thousands of Jails/Prisons in the U.S. with Millions of inmates; why are these people not being used to sort & recycle trash? EACH of Jail/Prison could be a recycling center. Inmates would be paid in REAL cash to their Jail/Prison account. Farming/Gardening Vacant land is also a an idea.

 

Preppers should become proficient with flintlocks, Bows & Axes; when the SHTF bullets will be in short supply; Arrows (silent), gunpowder & shot can be produced rather easily. Peppers should attend renaissance fairs & rendezvous learn ancient crafts.

 

Camping E - Feel Free To “Click on”- Copy/Paste & Share.

 

https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power/

 

https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com/WE are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us.

 

I very much enjoy reading your comments to my Posts.

 

Scott

Bush Pot A 111018.jpg

Bush Pot B 111018.jpg

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Hope this brightens your day:

 

My son’s math teacher called him average... I just think he’s mean.

 

I wanted to try online dating, so I clicked around until I saw someone I found attractive. We started chatting, and everything was going great, until she told me her career is "professional blood donor". That's when I knew she wasn't my type.

 

Eye of the Tiger was not Sylvester Stallone's first choice for the theme song to Rocky III. His first choice was Queen's Another One Bites the Dust.

 

When we depend on “Celebrities/Doctors/Experts”, we should remember from where they receive their research funding. The Tobacco industry paid millions for decades to deceive the world into believing Tobacco was harmless if not beneficial.

 

Peppers should rely more on Knowledge than “Stuff/Products/Gadgets”. Things can be lost or stolen, knowledge cannot. If you read one chapter a night (20 minutes) (on wild edible/medical plants) you will be an expert in a year. Plus be able to feed your family when SHTF.

 

Pepper groups/settlements after EOTWAWKI /SHTF should maintain at least TWO camps. The main camp with all the major facilities are located, arsenal/ammo dump, bathing/shower, families, kitchen, live stock, medical, motor pool, warehouses, etc. The other small camp/s is basically ambush/defensive with bobby traps & fortifications. These ambush camps are for the purpose of providing a “safe haven” in the event a patrol is coming in “HOT”/ under attack. Getting to a Fort, will allow the main camp to avoid being attacked without warning. Other hidden camps for listening/observation will be necessary to provide early warning & staffed with two or three people. These should be at intervals of one to ten miles from the main camp. All the perversely discussed camps should also be rally points in the event the main camp is destroyed/overrun.

 

Electricity A - Feel Free To “Click on”- Copy/Paste & Share.

 

https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power/

 

https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com/WE are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us.

 

I very much enjoy reading your comments to my Posts.

 

Scott

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Hope this brightens your day:

 

My son’s math teacher called him average... I just think he’s mean.

 

I wanted to try online dating, so I clicked around until I saw someone I found attractive. We started chatting, and everything was going great, until she told me her career is "professional blood donor". That's when I knew she wasn't my type.

 

Eye of the Tiger was not Sylvester Stallone's first choice for the theme song to Rocky III. His first choice was Queen's Another One Bites the Dust.

 

When we depend on “Celebrities/Doctors/Experts”, we should remember from where they receive their research funding. The Tobacco industry paid millions for decades to deceive the world into believing Tobacco was harmless if not beneficial.

 

Peppers should rely more on Knowledge than “Stuff/Products/Gadgets”. Things can be lost or stolen, knowledge cannot. If you read one chapter a night (20 minutes) (on wild edible/medical plants) you will be an expert in a year. Plus be able to feed your family when SHTF.

 

Pepper groups/settlements after EOTWAWKI /SHTF should maintain at least TWO camps. The main camp with all the major facilities are located, arsenal/ammo dump, bathing/shower, families, kitchen, live stock, medical, motor pool, warehouses, etc. The other small camp/s is basically ambush/defensive with bobby traps & fortifications. These ambush camps are for the purpose of providing a “safe haven” in the event a patrol is coming in “HOT”/ under attack. Getting to a Fort, will allow the main camp to avoid being attacked without warning. Other hidden camps for listening/observation will be necessary to provide early warning & staffed with two or three people. These should be at intervals of one to ten miles from the main camp. All the perversely discussed camps should also be rally points in the event the main camp is destroyed/overrun.

 

Electricity A - Feel Free To “Click on”- Copy/Paste & Share.

 

https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power/

 

https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com/WE are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us.

 

I very much enjoy reading your comments to my Posts.

 

Scott

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Hope this brightens your day:

 

Used car salesperson to customer: How would you like to buy a car with zero down and zero per month? Customer: (slight pause) For how many months?

 

Son to dad: "Dad, why don’t you buy me a car?" Dad: "My dear son, God gave you two legs for what purpose?" Son: "One leg is for the brake and the other for the accelerator."
 

In the movie Fight Club, starring Brad Pitt and Edward Norton, Director David Fincher made sure that there was a visible Starbucks cup in every scene in the movie.

 

Peppers should rely more on Knowledge than “Stuff/Products/Gadgets”. Things can be lost or stolen, knowledge cannot. If you read one chapter a night (20 minutes) (on wild edible/medical plants) you will be an expert in a year. Plus be able to feed your family when SHTF.

 

Pepper groups/settlements after EOTWAWKI /SHTF should maintain at least TWO camps. The main camp with all the major facilities are located, arsenal/ammo dump, bathing/shower, families, kitchen, live stock, medical, motor pool, warehouses, etc. The other small camp/s is basically ambush/defensive with bobby traps & fortifications. These ambush camps are for the purpose of providing a “safe haven” in the event a patrol is coming in “HOT”/ under attack. Getting to a Fort, will allow the main camp to avoid being attacked without warning. Other hidden camps for listening/observation will be necessary to provide early warning & staffed with two or three people. These should be at intervals of one to ten miles from the main camp. All the perversely discussed camps should also be rally points in the event the main camp is destroyed/overrun.

 

Plant Info B - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share.

 

https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power/

 

https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com/WE are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us.

 

I very much enjoy reading your comments to my Posts.

 

Scott

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The crocodile walked into a trendy menswear store, approached the assistant and asked, "Do you have any shirts with pictures of people on the pocket?"

 

A woman took her dog to the parlor for a haircut and asked what it would cost. Being told that it would cost her $50, she was outraged. "I only pay 30 bucks for my own haircut!" she said. The groomer replied, "That may be true. But then you don't bite, do you?"

 

Did you know that Star Wars was not the original name for the first installment of the George Lucas franchise? The original name for the first film was going to be Adventures of Luke Skywalker.

 

 

Peppers should rely more on Knowledge than “Stuff/Products/Gadgets”. Things can be lost or stolen, knowledge cannot. If you read one chapter a night (20 minutes) (on wild edible/medical plants) you will be an expert in a year. Plus be able to feed your family when SHTF.

 

Pepper groups/settlements after EOTWAWKI /SHTF should maintain at least TWO camps. The main camp with all the major facilities are located, arsenal/ammo dump, bathing/shower, families, kitchen, live stock, medical, motor pool, warehouses, etc. The other small camp/s is basically ambush/defensive with bobby traps & fortifications. These ambush camps are for the purpose of providing a “safe haven” in the event a patrol is coming in “HOT”/ under attack. Getting to a Fort, will allow the main camp to avoid being attacked without warning. Other hidden camps for listening/observation will be necessary to provide early warning & staffed with two or three people. These should be at intervals of one to ten miles from the main camp. All the perversely discussed camps should also be rally points in the event the main camp is destroyed/overrun.

 

Indivual Shelter A - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share.

 

https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power/

 

https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com/WE are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us.

 

I very much enjoy reading your comments to my Posts.

 

Scott

Hut 211117.jpg

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There was this limo driver who was in business for 25 years without a single customer... All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.

 

I work for a security company that transports cash, and part of my job is to work with police if a crew is robbed. One afternoon my wife and I were packing to move, when I received a call to report to a crime scene. "I have to go," I told my wife. "Two of our guards have been held up at gunpoint at a superstore." As I dashed out the door, she called, "While you’re there, pick up some big cardboard boxes."

 

According to the Guinness Book of World Records, the longest ever lasted 58 hours, 35 minutes, and 58 seconds. The kiss took place in Pattaya, Thailand, at an event organized by Ripley's Believe It Or Not!

 

Peppers should rely more on Knowledge than “Stuff/Products/Gadgets”. Things can be lost or stolen, knowledge cannot. If you read one chapter a night (20 minutes) (on wild edible/medical plants) you will be an expert in a year. Plus be able to feed your family when SHTF.

 

Pepper groups/settlements after EOTWAWKI /SHTF should maintain at least TWO camps. The main camp with all the major facilities are located, arsenal/ammo dump, bathing/shower, families, kitchen, live stock, medical, motor pool, warehouses, etc. The other small camp/s is basically ambush/defensive with bobby traps & fortifications. These ambush camps are for the purpose of providing a “safe haven” in the event a patrol is coming in “HOT”/ under attack. Getting to a Fort, will allow the main camp to avoid being attacked without warning. Other hidden camps for listening/observation will be necessary to provide early warning & staffed with two or three people. These should be at intervals of one to ten miles from the main camp. All the perversely discussed camps should also be rally points in the event the main camp is destroyed/overrun.

 

Wild Meat A - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share.

 

https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power/

 

https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com/WE are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us.

 

I very much enjoy reading your comments to my Posts.

 

Scott

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"Where do you see yourself in six months?" "I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision."

 

The morning of the big parade, a man and a little boy entered a barber shop together. "Give me the full treatment," the man said. "I want to look good in the parade!" After the man received a shave, manicure, and haircut, he placed the boy in the chair. "I'm going to buy a new tie to wear for the parade," he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes." When the boy's haircut was done and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "It looks like your daddy forgot all about you." "That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, "Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut!"

 

Tickling is viewed (by some) as something fun and playful. However, the original intent of tickling was for it to be a form of torture.

 

Peppers should rely more on Knowledge than “Stuff/Products/Gadgets”. Things can be lost or stolen, knowledge cannot. If you read one chapter a night (20 minutes) (on wild edible/medical plants) you will be an expert in a year. Plus be able to feed your family when SHTF.

 

Pepper groups/settlements after EOTWAWKI /SHTF should maintain at least TWO camps. The main camp with all the major facilities are located, arsenal/ammo dump, bathing/shower, families, kitchen, live stock, medical, motor pool, warehouses, etc. The other small camp/s is basically ambush/defensive with bobby traps & fortifications. These ambush camps are for the purpose of providing a “safe haven” in the event a patrol is coming in “HOT”/ under attack. Getting to a Fort, will allow the main camp to avoid being attacked without warning. Other hidden camps for listening/observation will be necessary to provide early warning & staffed with two or three people. These should be at intervals of one to ten miles from the main camp. All the perversely discussed camps should also be rally points in the event the main camp is destroyed/overrun.

 

Storage A - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share.

 

https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power/

 

https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com/WE are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us.

 

I very much enjoy reading your comments to my Posts.

 

Scott

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A music store was robbed last week... Thieves made away with the lute. 

 

Two ladies are walking to their local County Fair, when it starts to rain. One says to the other, "Put your umbrella up, it's raining." 
"I can't," says the other, "it's got holes in it." "Holes in it?" the first lady asks. "Why did you bring it with you?" The response, "I didn't think it would rain."

 

Who says classical music doesn't have an effect on children? A McDonald's in Australia uses classical music to keep kids off the premise late at night.

 

Peppers should rely more on Knowledge than “Stuff/Products/Gadgets”. Things can be lost or stolen, knowledge cannot. If you read one chapter a night (20 minutes) (on wild edible/medical plants) you will be an expert in a year. Plus be able to feed your family when SHTF.

 

Pepper groups/settlements after EOTWAWKI /SHTF should maintain at least TWO camps. The main camp with all the major facilities are located, arsenal/ammo dump, bathing/shower, families, kitchen, live stock, medical, motor pool, warehouses, etc. The other small camp/s is basically ambush/defensive with bobby traps & fortifications. These ambush camps are for the purpose of providing a “safe haven” in the event a patrol is coming in “HOT”/ under attack. Getting to a Fort, will allow the main camp to avoid being attacked without warning. Other hidden camps for listening/observation will be necessary to provide early warning & staffed with two or three people. These should be at intervals of one to ten miles from the main camp. All the perversely discussed camps should also be rally points in the event the main camp is destroyed/overrun.

 

Medicial Plants A - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share.

 

https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power/

 

https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com/WE are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us.

 

I very much enjoy reading your comments to my Posts.

 

Scott

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When it comes to telling her age, she's shy... About 10 years shy!!!

 

The bank robber enters the bank with his gun drawn in plain site. He walks to the middle of the lobby, pauses for a few seconds, turns around a couple of times, and then approaches a teller. Then scratching his temple with the gun barrel, he says to the teller, "Do you ever enter a room and forget why?"

 

The Declaration of Independence was signed on July 4, 1776… right? Right. Partly. John Hancock was the only person who signed on the 4th. Everyone else signed at a later date.

 

Peppers should rely more on Knowledge than “Stuff/Products/Gadgets”. Things can be lost or stolen, knowledge cannot. If you read one chapter a night (20 minutes) (on wild edible/medical plants) you will be an expert in a year. Plus be able to feed your family when SHTF.

 

Pepper groups/settlements after EOTWAWKI /SHTF should maintain at least TWO camps. The main camp with all the major facilities are located, arsenal/ammo dump, bathing/shower, families, kitchen, live stock, medical, motor pool, warehouses, etc. The other small camp/s is basically ambush/defensive with bobby traps & fortifications. These ambush camps are for the purpose of providing a “safe haven” in the event a patrol is coming in “HOT”/ under attack. Getting to a Fort, will allow the main camp to avoid being attacked without warning. Other hidden camps for listening/observation will be necessary to provide early warning & staffed with two or three people. These should be at intervals of one to ten miles from the main camp. All the perversely discussed camps should also be rally points in the event the main camp is destroyed/overrun.

 

Camping F - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share.

 

https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power/

 

https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com/WE are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us.

 

I very much enjoy reading your comments to my Posts.

 

Scott

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A man walked into a record store and asked the assistant, “Have you got anything by The Doors?” “Yes,” she said, “a bucket and a fire extinguisher.”

 

On a recent flight from New York to Seattle an elderly lady stands up and shouts, "Is there a doctor here?" A nice, serious guy approaches her quickly and tells her, "I am. What is the problem?" She replies, "Do you want to meet my daughter?"

 

A professor stood before his class of twenty senior organic biology students, about to hand out the final exam. "I want to say that it's been a pleasure teaching you this semester. I know you've all worked extremely hard and many of you are off to medical school after summer. So that no one gets their GPA messed up because they might have been celebrating a bit too much this week, anyone who would like to opt out of the final exam today will receive a 'B' for the test." There was much rejoicing in the class as students got up, walked to the front of the class, and took the professor up on his offer. As the last taker left the room, the professor looked out over the handful of remaining students and asked, "Anyone else? This is your last chance." One final student rose up and opted out of the final. The professor closed the door and took attendance of those students remaining. "I'm glad to see you believe in yourselves," he said. "You all get 'A's."

 

There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married... A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.

 

Do you know what nodding your head means in Bulgaria? It means no. Do you know what shaking your head means in Bulgaria? It means yes. In most other places shaking your head to the left and to the right means ‘No’ while nodding your head up and down means ‘Yes’. But not in Bulgaria.

 

When is beer not considered alcohol? When you live in Russia, and it’s before 2013. It wasn’t until the year 2013 that Russia officially classified beer as an alcoholic drink. Before 2013, any beverage that contained less than 10% alcohol was not considered an ‘alcoholic drink’ in the former Soviet Union country. For many, it was simply regarded as a soft drink or just food stuff.

 

Preppers should rely more on Knowledge than “Stuff/Products/Gadgets”. Things can be lost or stolen, knowledge cannot. If you read one chapter a night (20 minutes) (on wild edible/medical plants) you will be an expert in a year. Plus be able to feed your family when SHTF.

 

Prepper groups/settlements after EOTWAWKI /SHTF should maintain at least TWO camps. The main camp with all the major facilities are located, arsenal/ammo dump, bathing/shower, families, kitchen, live stock, medical, motor pool, warehouses, etc. The other small camp/s is basically ambush/defensive with bobby traps & fortifications. These ambush camps are for the purpose of providing a “safe haven” in the event a patrol is coming in “HOT”/ under attack. Getting to a Fort, will allow the main camp to avoid being attacked without warning. Other hidden camps for listening/observation will be necessary to provide early warning & staffed with two or three people. These should be at intervals of one to ten miles from the main camp. All the perversely discussed camps should also be rally points in the event the main camp is destroyed/overrun.

 

Tentpeg Grill - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share.

 

https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power/

 

https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com/WE are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us.

 

I very much enjoy reading your comments to my Posts.

 

Scott

Tentpeg Grill A 031219.jpg

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I made a graph of all my past relationships... It has an "ex" axis and a "why" axis.

 

A man walks into a hardware store and speaks to the cashier. "Have you any two watt bulbs?" "For what?" "That’ll do, I'll take two." "Two what?" "I thought you didn’t have any." "Any what?" "Yes please!"

 

Her: "I don't even know what the cloning machine does?" Me: "Well, that makes two of us."

 

What do you have when you have a dazzle of zebras? You have a collection of 3 or more of the black and white striped mammals that belong to the horse family of the animal kingdom. A collection of zebras is also sometimes referred to as a “zeal” or “harem” of zebras. And now you know.

 

The Fourth of July weekend was approaching, and Miss Pelham, the nursery school teacher, took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism. "We live in a great country," she announced. "One of the things we should be happy about is, in this country we are all free." Trevor, who was a little boy in her class, came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said loudly, "I'm not free. I'm four!"

 

Bruce Lee's first time in a film set was not Enter the Dragon, Chinese Connection, or even Game of Death. He first time was the 1941 film called "Golden Gate Girl". Bruce was a full 3 months old at the time. Not surprisingly, he played an infant and he has no fight scenes.

 

Preppers should rely more on Knowledge than “Stuff/Products/Gadgets”. Things can be lost or stolen, knowledge cannot. If you read one chapter a night (20 minutes) (on wild edible/medical plants) you will be an expert in a year. Plus be able to feed your family when SHTF.

 

Prepper groups/settlements after EOTWAWKI /SHTF should maintain at least TWO camps. The main camp with all the major facilities are located, arsenal/ammo dump, bathing/shower, families, kitchen, live stock, medical, motor pool, warehouses, etc. The other small camp/s is basically ambush/defensive with bobby traps & fortifications. These ambush camps are for the purpose of providing a “safe haven” in the event a patrol is coming in “HOT”/ under attack. Getting to a Fort, will allow the main camp to avoid being attacked without warning. Other hidden camps for listening/observation will be necessary to provide early warning & staffed with two or three people. These should be at intervals of one to ten miles from the main camp. All the perversely discussed camps should also be rally points in the event the main camp is destroyed/overrun.

 

Camping D - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share.

 

https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power/

 

https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com/WE are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us.

 

I very much enjoy reading your comments to my Posts.

 

Scott

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My local college just announced the end of a scientific study... Results showed that out of 2,293,618,367 people, 94% are too lazy to actually read that number.

 

A pirate walks into a pub on the mainland with an enormous rainbow feathered parrot on his shoulder. The barkeep stares at the rather intimidating bird until he finally gathers enough courage to ask the pirate about it.  He points at the pirate and says, “Where did you get that?” “Pirate Bay,” the parrot answers, “the place is filled to the brim with ’em!”

 

Need a cure for indigestion, rheumatism, or diarrhea? No problem, just have some ketchup. In 1834, Dr. John Cook Bennett created his own version of tomato ketchup and began selling it as medicine. To make it more credible, he even created a pill version of it. Eventually people caught on that Dr. Cook’s claims were simply not true, though that was not until 1850.

 

Preppers should rely more on Knowledge than “Stuff/Products/Gadgets”. Things can be lost or stolen, knowledge cannot. If you read one chapter a night (20 minutes) (on wild edible/medical plants) you will be an expert in a year. Plus be able to feed your family when SHTF.

 

Prepper groups/settlements after EOTWAWKI /SHTF should maintain at least TWO camps. The main camp with all the major facilities are located, arsenal/ammo dump, bathing/shower, families, kitchen, live stock, medical, motor pool, warehouses, etc. The other small camp/s is basically ambush/defensive with bobby traps & fortifications. These ambush camps are for the purpose of providing a “safe haven” in the event a patrol is coming in “HOT”/ under attack. Getting to a Fort, will allow the main camp to avoid being attacked without warning. Other hidden camps for listening/observation will be necessary to provide early warning & staffed with two or three people. These should be at intervals of one to ten miles from the main camp. All the perversely discussed camps should also be rally points in the event the main camp is destroyed/overrun.

 

Temporary Shelter - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share.

 

https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power/

 

https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com/WE are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us.

 

I very much enjoy reading your comments to my Posts.

 

Scott

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