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Scott Lance Smith

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About Scott Lance Smith

Militia Leader
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  • Birthday 05/27/1968

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  1. Hope this brightens your day: Interviewer: What drives you? Candidate: The bus mostly. Interviewer: I mean what motivates you to get out of bed in the morning? Candidate: Missing the bus! I was getting ready for a doctor's appointment and remembered how my mother once told me, "An apple a day, keeps the doctor away." Taking her words to heart I decided to bring an apple. Needless to say, it was shot day, I didn't like needles and was thinking, "There must be some way out of this?" So without thinking, I threw my apple at the doctor. He hasn't spoken to me since. French military leader Napoléon Bonaparte was known for many things during the French Revolution and also during his reign as the Emperor of France. One of those would be his fear of cats. Bonaparte suffered from ailurophobia, a phobia that is an extreme or irrational fear of cats. https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us. https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power/ Didnt Warn You. Nutrition C7 - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share. Scott
  2. Hope this brightens your day: Teacher: Suppose you have $10 and you asked your brother for $5. How much would you have then? Student: $10. Teacher: Why? Student: My brother won't give me any money. A mechanic was working under a car and some brake fluid dripped into his mouth. "Wow! That stuff isn't too bad tasting," he thought. The next day, he told his buddy about tasting the brake fluid. "It was pretty good, really. I think I'll have a little more today." His friend was a little concerned, but didn't say anything. The next day, "Hey, I drank a whole glass of brake fluid. Great stuff! I'm going to have more." A few days later, he was up to a bottle a day. "You know," said his buddy, "that brake fluid is poison and really bad for you. You better cut out drinking that stuff." "Hey, no problem. I can stop any time!" In 2007, fourteen squirrels were arrested in Iran. Yes, you read correctly. Fourteen squirrels were spotted near a nuclear enrichment plant and taken in for questioning by the Iranian army. What was their crime? What were they being charged with? Espionage. Apparently they were “spy squirrels”. https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us. https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power/ Socialism. Crossbow E7 - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share. Scott
  3. Hope this brightens your day: Ten-year-old Tommy greeted his sister's boy friend very enthusiastically, "That harmonica you gave me for my birthday is easily the best present I have ever had!" "I'm glad you liked it," the boyfriend replies. "Oh yeah! Mother gives me a quarter a day not to play it!" The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for the job. "Look Miss," said the foreman, "do you have any experience in picking lemons?" "Well ... as a matter of fact, Yes!" she replied. "I've been married and divorced three times." Where were you on October 22, 1797? If you were anywhere near Paris, France, then you would have witnessed the first ever parachute jump. That feat goes to André-Jacques Garnerin, who on that day made the jump from a hydrogen balloon 3,200 feet up in the air. https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us. https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power/ Democrat Dumbass. Rope B5 - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share. Scott
  4. Hope this brightens your day: One summer evening, a 3-year-old came in while his parents were setting the table for supper. Quite surprisingly, he asked if he could help. His mother said, "No, but I appreciate your asking." The child responded, "Well, I appreciate your saying no." Two men were adrift in an open boat, and it looked bad for them. Finally one of them, frightened, began to pray. "O Lord," he prayed, “I've broken most of thy commandments. I've been a hard drinker, but if my life is spared now I'll promise never again...” "Wait a minute, Jack,” said his friend. “Don't go too far, I think I see a sail!” September 3, 1967 started out as the typical Sunday morning in Sweden. Except for one little detail. This was the day that Swedish officials decided to switch from driving on the left side to driving on the right side of the road. Apparently not everyone was aware of this switch. There was chaos, confusion, and crashes. https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us. https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power/ Decisions. Weapon D7 - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share. Scott
  5. Hope this brightens your day: Teacher: "Why are you late this morning?" Student: "Its my alarm clock. Everyone got up except me!" Teacher: How did the alarm clock make you the only one not to get up?" Student: "There are eight of us in the my family and the alarm clock was only set for seven." Luke: I remember the time I played against Yale in football. What a game it was." Mark: "What position did you play?" Luke: "In the first game I was left...." Mark: "End?" Luke: "Left out. In the second half I was back...." Mark: "You were back in?" Luke: "No, way back." What is TATT syndrome? TATT stands for “tired all the time”and it is a real condition. This goes beyond being tired all the time. It is a combination of physical and psychiatric symptoms, such as feeling sleepy, loss of motivation, inability to concentrate and/or make decisions, lack of energy, and more. https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us. https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power/ Danerous Prople. Pests B5 - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share. Scott
  6. Hope this brightens your day: Customer in a waterfront restaurant: “Waiter, these are very small oysters!” Waiter: “Yes sir, they are very small.” Customer: “Also, they do not appear to be very fresh!” Waiter with a resourceful response: “Then it’s lucky they’re small, ain’t it sir?” Zack met an old college friend who had never married and ask him about his bachelor status. Zack: "Tom, haven't you ever met a girl you care for?" Tom: "Oh yes, just last week I met a girl and fell in love at first sight." Zack: "What happened? Why didn't you get married?" Tom: "I took a second look." A Shootout at the OK Corral! That expression or quote has been heard in movies and even in real life conversation. Was this a real event? Did it take place? It did. It took place 137 years ago today, October 26, 1881, in Tombstone, Arizona. The Shootout at the OK Corral was a 30 second gunfight in which the Earp brothers (Wyatt, Morgan, and Virgil) and Doc Holliday took on the 5 members of the Clanton-McLaury gang. https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us. https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power/ Contol your future. Super Foods C7 - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share. Scott
  7. I am not sure if "Shane" received this email, but I did. Shane, we have a unit that meets on the 3rd Saturdays in Pembroke. Please contact me via Private Message if interested. Yes, I am aware your post is over two years old. CPT
  8. Hope this brightens your day: It’s a 5 minute walk from my house to the pub. It’s a 35 minute walk from the pub to my house. The difference is staggering. Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly one said to the other, "A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?" The other monster replied, "Be a gentleman and roll them back to her." What would happen if the United States were ever attacked by zombies? There is no need to worry as the US Government has a plan in case such a thing were to happen. In 2011, the Pentagon revealed a Counter-Zombie Dominance Plan, also known as CONPLAN 8888-11. https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us. https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power/ CONMAN or Pastor. Tracks B - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share. Scott
  9. Hope this brightens your day: A little boy in my infant class came into school and told me he could spell his mum’s name. “M-U-M,” he said proudly. Before I could congratulate him, another little boy said excitedly, “That’s how you spell my mum’s name too!” A couple is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes their lost. They spot a man down below and shout, “Excuse me, can you tell me where we are?” The man below says, “Yes, you’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.” “You must work in Information Technology,” says the balloonist. “I do,” replies the man. “How did you know?” “Everything you have told me is technically correct, and yet it’s of no use to anyone.” The man below says, “You must work in management.” “We do. How did you know?” “Well, you don’t know where you are, or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help, and you’re in the same position as you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.” James Franco is a writer, director, award winning actor, and an artist. In fact, in 2011 he sold a piece of art called “Fresh Air” for $10,000. What did this work art consist of? It was literally fresh air. There was nothing to it. The lady who made the purchase, paid $10,000 for a piece of non-visible art. https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us. https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power/ Congress lobbyist $. Electricity C6 - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share. Scott
  10. Hope this brightens your day: My boss arrived at work in a brand-new Rolls Royce. “Wow,” I said. “That’s an amazing car.” He replied, “If you work hard, put all your hours in, and strive for excellence, I’ll get another one next year!” When the new activities director for the rec center walked in, all us retirees quickly took notice. She was 20-something and gorgeous. My buddy whispered, “She makes me wish I was 30 years older.” “Don’t you mean 30 years younger?” I asked. “No. If I were 30 years younger, I’d still never have a chance with a woman like that. If I were 30 years older, it wouldn’t bother me so much.” Harry Houdini was a famed magician/illusionist who became popular at the turn into the 20th century. He was also involved in World War I. Houdini would train American soldiers and show them how to escape handcuffs, in case they were caught by the Germans. https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us. https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power/ Concealed Carry By State. Water Purifying E7 - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share. Scott
  11. Hope this brightens your day: A cement mixer and a prison bus crashed on the highway... Police advise citizens to be on the lookout for a group of hardened criminals! Customer: "How much is the hamburger steak?" Butcher: "$1.98 cents a pound." Customer: "But at the corner market is is only $0.98 cents a pound." Butcher: "Then you should go there to buy it." Customer: "But they are all out of it." Butcher: " Oh, I see. When we don't have any we sell it for $0.50 cents a pound." A group of penguins on land can be referred to as a colony or a rookery. Did you know that a group of penguins in water have a different name? Oh yeah, they do. A group of floating penguins in the ocean are referred to as a “raft”. https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us. https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power/ Brain of liberal democrat. Plant Info D - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share. Scott
  12. Hope this brightens your day: Working at the unemployment office has to be a tense job... For if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day. I've seen plenty of batting slumps," the manager told one of his coaches. "But I've never had a whole lineup in a slump before." The team had lost 10 of its last 20 games, scoring only eight runs during that whole stretch. The best they'd done was four hits in a game. "We have to try something different," the manager said to his batting coach. "What do you have in mind?" the batting coach asked warily. "I'm going into the batting cage myself," the manager said. The coach tried to talk him out of it. But the manager was desperate, willing to try anything. With the whole team watching, the coach swung at the first pitch and missed. He missed the second pitch. Ditto the third, fourth, and fifth. On the sixth pitch, he just nicked the ball, which dribbled back to the pitcher's mound. The manager slammed his bat to the ground, turned around, and stared at his players. "That's how you guys look at the plate!" he yelled. "Now get up there and HIT the ball!" An Orderly in a Paratrooper battalion must make a jump once a month. The Captain rushes in and says, "I know you have a lot of work so I have transportation for you to our airport, a plane waiting for you, a Jeep will be on the ground waiting to whisk you back quickly." The Orderly goes out and there isn't any transportation and they have to call for it. When they get to the airport the plane is late getting there. He gets on the plane and has to wait for someone to bring his parachute. When he finally jumps he pulls his cord and the chute doesn't open, he pulls his emergency cord and that don,t work also. He says to himself, "I bet the Jeep won't be there either!" So many items are no longer made in America... I just bought a new tv and the box said “built in antenna”... I don’t even know where that is! On September 01, 1964, 54 years ago today, Masanori Murakami became the first Japanese player to play in a Major League Baseball (MLB) game. The left-handed reliever pitched a scoreless inning for the San Francisco Giants in a 4-1 loss against the New York Mets. It would take another 31 years before the next Japanese player (Hideo Nomo of the Los Angeles Dodgers) played in a MLB game. Elvis Presley, the King of Rock N’ Roll, is a musical icon. His music is still popular and he is one of the best-selling artists of all time. That makes it even harder to believe that he failed a music class. While in high school, his music teacher told him he couldn’t sing. Elvis later said that music class was “the only thing I ever failed.” https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us. https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power/ Bill Of Rights. Weapon C7 - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share. Scott
  13. Hope this brightens your day: Me: I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present. Cop: You ARE the lawyer. Lawyer: So where’s my present? Two fellows stopped into an English pub for a drink. They called the proprietor over and asked him to settle an argument. "Are there two pints in a quart or four?" asked one. "There be two pints in a quart," confirmed the proprietor. They moved back along the bar and soon the barmaid asked for their order. "Two pints please, miss, and the bartender offered to buy them for us." The barmaid doubted that her boss would be so generous, so one of the fellows called out to the proprietor at the other end of the bar, "You did say two pints, didn't you?" "That's right," he called back, "two pints!" Liam Neeson, star of movies such as Schindler’s List, Taken, and Star Wars, was a champion boxer. He was an amateur boxer from the ages of 9-17 and was a three-time Northern Ireland juvenile champion. He once said, “I had about 40 fights and I won about maybe 30.” https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us. https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power/ Betsy Ross Quaker. Transportation D6 - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share. Scott
  14. Hope this brightens your day: Think about it...Even Popeye didn't eat his spinach until he absolutely had to! A friend of a friend of mine was sitting on a lawn sunning and reading, when he was startled by a fairly late model car crashing through a hedge and coming to rest on his lawn. He helped the elderly driver out and sat him on a lawn chair. "My goodness," he exclaimed. "You are quite old to be driving!" "Yes," he replied. "I am old enough that I don't need a license anymore. The last time I went to my doctor he examined me and asked if I had a driving license. I told him yes and handed it to him." "He took scissors out of a drawer, cut the license into pieces and threw them in the wastebasket. 'You won't be needing this anymore,' he said." "So I thanked him and left." The Judge said to the defendant, "I thought I told you I never wanted to see you in here again?" "Your Honor," the criminal said, "that's what I tried to tell the police but they wouldn't listen." Shortly after reporting to the 101st Airborne Division, we were ordered to fall out in our dress uniforms. Only problem was, I didn't know how to tie a necktie. So I asked the guy in the next bunk for help. "Sure," he said. "Lie down." Confused, I lay down on the bunk and he tied my tie. "Sorry, but this is the only way I know how," he said. "Comes from practicing on my father's clients." "What does your father do?" "He's a mortician." Where in the world is Lake Disappointment? The answer is in Western Australia. The lake was given this name by explorer Frank Hann in 1897. Hoping to find a fresh water lake, he became ‘disappointed’ when it ended up being a saltwater one. President Grover Cleveland achieved many “firsts” in the White House during his term of office. He was the first President to get married in the White House and he (and his wife Frances) was the first to have a baby born AT 1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW. To to this day no other child has been born in the White House. https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us. https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power/ Bail bonds PTR. Disasters C7- Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share. Scott
  15. Hope this brightens your day: "Armstrong," the boss said, "I happen to know that the reason you didn't come to work yesterday was that you were out playing golf." "That's a rotten lie!" Armstrong protested. "And I have the fish to prove it!" Writing a horror screenplay. It starts off with a ringing phone. The person answers and it’s their mom saying, “I have a computer question...“ A salesman was going door to door trying to sell his wares. As he walked up to the next house, he noticed a small boy sitting on the front steps. "Is your mother home?" the salesman asked the small boy. "Yeah, she's home," the boy said, scooting over to let him past. The salesman rang the doorbell, got no response, knocked once, then again. Still no one came to the door. Turning to the boy, the fellow said, "I thought you said your mother was home?!" The kid replied, "She is, but this isn't where I live." Pete: "What's that you have in your buttonhole?" Donald: "That's a chrysanthemum." Pete: "It looks like a rose to me!" Donald: "Your wrong, its a chrysanthemum." Pete: "Then spell it." Donald: "K-r-i-s.....your right, it is a rose." Japan has a LOT of islands! I’m talking a LOT! To be exact, this country has 6,582 islands, of which only 6% are inhabited. The four main islands of Japan are Kyushu, Honshu, Hokkaido, and Shikoku. It has been calculated that on a yearly basis, 100,000 tons of bubble gum is being consumed (or chewed if you will) around the world. [Bonus Fact] - Contrary to popular belief, if you swallow a piece of gum it will NOT stay in your system forever. https://gsmpao.weebly(DOT)com are primarily a Prepper Organization, join us. https:// theselfsufficientliving(DOT)com/diy-wind-turbine-designs-to-generate-off-grid-power/ Bacon Blowup. Animal Structures C6 - Feel Free To “Click on”- Research - Copy/Paste & Share. Scott

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