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Scott Lance Smith

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Scott Lance Smith last won the day on February 23

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About Scott Lance Smith

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    Enemy of the State
  • Birthday 05/27/1968

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  1. Hope this brightens your day: Me: "Sorry boss, can’t come in today my car has broken down." Boss: "What about the bus?" Me: "I don’t have a bus!" One of the world's greatest scientists was also recognized as the original absent-minded professor. One day, on board a train, he was unable to find his ticket. The conductor said, "Take it easy. You'll find it." When the conductor returned, the professor still couldn't find the ticket. The conductor, recognizing the famous scientist, said, "I'm sure you bought a ticket. Forget about it." "You're very kind," the professor said, "but I must find it. Otherwise, I won't know where to get off." When we are weak, we accuse and blame. Growing stronger we become able to forgive. Once we are strong we discover that there is nothing to forgive. "Who dropped a wad of money with an elastic band around it?" "I did!" "Well, here's your elastic band." Doctor Bloomfield, who was known for extraordinary treatment of arthritis, had a waiting room full of people when a little old lady, almost bent over in half, shuffled in slowly, leaning on her cane. When her turn came, she went into the doctor's office and, amazingly, emerged within 5 minutes walking completely erect with her head held high. A woman in the waiting room who had seen all this rushed up to the little old lady and said, "It's a miracle! You walked in bent in half and now you're walking erect. What did that doctor do?" "Gave me a longer cane." "Living in a dream world is for those who refuse to wake up to reality!" - Julie Sullivan Improved Smoker Scott
  2. Hope this brightens your day: Me: "Sorry boss, can’t come in today my car has broken down." Boss: "What about the bus?" Me: "I don’t have a bus!" One of the world's greatest scientists was also recognized as the original absent-minded professor. One day, on board a train, he was unable to find his ticket. The conductor said, "Take it easy. You'll find it." When the conductor returned, the professor still couldn't find the ticket. The conductor, recognizing the famous scientist, said, "I'm sure you bought a ticket. Forget about it." "You're very kind," the professor said, "but I must find it. Otherwise, I won't know where to get off." When we are weak, we accuse and blame. Growing stronger we become able to forgive. Once we are strong we discover that there is nothing to forgive. "Who dropped a wad of money with an elastic band around it?" "I did!" "Well, here's your elastic band." Doctor Bloomfield, who was known for extraordinary treatment of arthritis, had a waiting room full of people when a little old lady, almost bent over in half, shuffled in slowly, leaning on her cane. When her turn came, she went into the doctor's office and, amazingly, emerged within 5 minutes walking completely erect with her head held high. A woman in the waiting room who had seen all this rushed up to the little old lady and said, "It's a miracle! You walked in bent in half and now you're walking erect. What did that doctor do?" "Gave me a longer cane." "Living in a dream world is for those who refuse to wake up to reality!" - Julie Sullivan Improved Smoker Scott
  3. Hope this brightens your day: A man went in to a restaurant and ordered alphabet soup. The man's alphabet soup was in front of him when a bee went inside. The man cried out, "Waiter, Waiter, there's a bee in my alphabet soup!" The waiter said, "Yes, sir, and I believe all the other letters are there too." A young pupil asked, "Master, what is fate." "Ah, my son, it is what has brought great nations together. It has made the world a smaller place in which to live. It has inspired men of worth to work endless hours. It will some day enable men to span the universe and light years of travel will soon become mere seconds in time." "And that, my master, is fate?" "Oh, fate! I thought you said freight." "Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony." - Mohandas Gandhi Make Soap Scott
  4. Hope this brightens your day: A man went in to a restaurant and ordered alphabet soup. The man's alphabet soup was in front of him when a bee went inside. The man cried out, "Waiter, Waiter, there's a bee in my alphabet soup!" The waiter said, "Yes, sir, and I believe all the other letters are there too." A young pupil asked, "Master, what is fate." "Ah, my son, it is what has brought great nations together. It has made the world a smaller place in which to live. It has inspired men of worth to work endless hours. It will some day enable men to span the universe and light years of travel will soon become mere seconds in time." "And that, my master, is fate?" "Oh, fate! I thought you said freight." "Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony." - Mohandas Gandhi Make Soap Scott
  5. Hope this brightens your day: A man went in to a restaurant and ordered alphabet soup. The man's alphabet soup was in front of him when a bee went inside. The man cried out, "Waiter, Waiter, there's a bee in my alphabet soup!" The waiter said, "Yes, sir, and I believe all the other letters are there too." A young pupil asked, "Master, what is fate." "Ah, my son, it is what has brought great nations together. It has made the world a smaller place in which to live. It has inspired men of worth to work endless hours. It will some day enable men to span the universe and light years of travel will soon become mere seconds in time." "And that, my master, is fate?" "Oh, fate! I thought you said freight." "Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony." - Mohandas Gandhi Make Soap Scott
  6. Hope this brightens your day: Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is 2 hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade! My friend asked me to help him with his crossword puzzle as he was struggling with 4 across. "What's the clue?" I asked. "Overworked postman," he said. "How many letters?" "Thousands!" "Always remember the compliments you receive and forget the insults." Poodle: “My life is a mess. My owner is mean, my girlfriend is leaving me for a German shepherd, and I’m as nervous as a cat.” Collie: “Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?” Poodle: “I can’t. I’m not allowed on the couch.” Guy tells his wife: For your birthday, how about a new car? Wife: No. Guy: How about a new boat? Wife: No. Guy: Well then, what do you want? Wife: I want a divorce. Guy: I wasn’t planning on spending that much money. If you have a minor burn peel a potatoe take the skins of the potatoe and rub the peeled side to your skin. The heart specialist was operating on the patient when he suddenly said, “Don’t worry, Adam. This is a minor operation. Everything will be all right.” The patient replied, “Thank you Doctor, but my name is Jose.” The heart specialist said, “I know that. Adam is my name.” My wife called. She said, "The two kids want you to take them bowling on Saturday, then afterwards they want you to take them to the cinema." "It's either one or the other," I said. "Otherwise it's too expensive." "OK" she replied. "Which one do you prefer?" I said, "David!" "Historians are like deaf people who go on answering questions that no one has asked them." - Leo Tolstoy Plastic Bee Hives Scott
  7. Hope this brightens your day: Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is 2 hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade! My friend asked me to help him with his crossword puzzle as he was struggling with 4 across. "What's the clue?" I asked. "Overworked postman," he said. "How many letters?" "Thousands!" "Always remember the compliments you receive and forget the insults." Poodle: “My life is a mess. My owner is mean, my girlfriend is leaving me for a German shepherd, and I’m as nervous as a cat.” Collie: “Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?” Poodle: “I can’t. I’m not allowed on the couch.” Guy tells his wife: For your birthday, how about a new car? Wife: No. Guy: How about a new boat? Wife: No. Guy: Well then, what do you want? Wife: I want a divorce. Guy: I wasn’t planning on spending that much money. If you have a minor burn peel a potatoe take the skins of the potatoe and rub the peeled side to your skin. The heart specialist was operating on the patient when he suddenly said, “Don’t worry, Adam. This is a minor operation. Everything will be all right.” The patient replied, “Thank you Doctor, but my name is Jose.” The heart specialist said, “I know that. Adam is my name.” My wife called. She said, "The two kids want you to take them bowling on Saturday, then afterwards they want you to take them to the cinema." "It's either one or the other," I said. "Otherwise it's too expensive." "OK" she replied. "Which one do you prefer?" I said, "David!" "Historians are like deaf people who go on answering questions that no one has asked them." - Leo Tolstoy Plastic Bee Hives Scott
  8. Hope this brightens your day: Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is 2 hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade! My friend asked me to help him with his crossword puzzle as he was struggling with 4 across. "What's the clue?" I asked. "Overworked postman," he said. "How many letters?" "Thousands!" "Always remember the compliments you receive and forget the insults." Poodle: “My life is a mess. My owner is mean, my girlfriend is leaving me for a German shepherd, and I’m as nervous as a cat.” Collie: “Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?” Poodle: “I can’t. I’m not allowed on the couch.” Guy tells his wife: For your birthday, how about a new car? Wife: No. Guy: How about a new boat? Wife: No. Guy: Well then, what do you want? Wife: I want a divorce. Guy: I wasn’t planning on spending that much money. If you have a minor burn peel a potatoe take the skins of the potatoe and rub the peeled side to your skin. The heart specialist was operating on the patient when he suddenly said, “Don’t worry, Adam. This is a minor operation. Everything will be all right.” The patient replied, “Thank you Doctor, but my name is Jose.” The heart specialist said, “I know that. Adam is my name.” My wife called. She said, "The two kids want you to take them bowling on Saturday, then afterwards they want you to take them to the cinema." "It's either one or the other," I said. "Otherwise it's too expensive." "OK" she replied. "Which one do you prefer?" I said, "David!" "Historians are like deaf people who go on answering questions that no one has asked them." - Leo Tolstoy Plastic Bee Hives Scott
  9. Hope this brightens your day: Daisy whispered in her husband’s ear, “Ask my mother about dinner.” Donald, her husband, obediently asked, “Mother-in-law, did you have dinner at home or would you like to go back home and have it?” During a conference, I was pleasantly surprised to be seated next to a very handsome man. We flirted casually through dinner, then grew restless as the dignitaries gave speeches. During one particularly long-winded lecture, my new friend drew a # sign on a cocktail napkin. Elated, I wrote down my phone number. Looking startled for a moment, he drew another # sign, this time adding an X to the upper-left-hand corner. Love goes on even if hearts stop caring the way they once did. Moonshine Scott
  10. Hope this brightens your day: Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. But smoking bacon will cure it! Rebecca said to her husband, “Do you know the neighbor’s daughter scored a 99 on her math exam?” Her husband Tom, sipping his tea, remarked, “Really? What happened to the remaining 1 point?” Rebecca replied sarcastically, “Your son scored it.” Spoiled children are given what they want. Wise parents affirm their children with their words and give their children what they need. Tom tried to clam himself down in the middle of a severe argument with his wife Jany. He said to her, “Let us not fight any more. We should try to sort this out in a level-headed manner.” Fuming with anger, Jany replied, “No. Whenever we try to sort things out in a level-headed manner, I lose!” Donald: What does love mean to you? Bobby: It is the illumination of life. Donald: What does marriage mean to you? Bobby: It is the monthly electricity bill for all that illumination. "He who knows not, and knows not he knows not, he is a fool, shun him. He who knows not, and knows he knows not, he is simple, teach him. He who knows, and knows not he knows, he is asleep, awaken him. He who knows, and knows he knows, he is wise follow him." - Kipling Essential Knots Scott
  11. Hope this brightens your day: Daisy whispered in her husband’s ear, “Ask my mother about dinner.” Donald, her husband, obediently asked, “Mother-in-law, did you have dinner at home or would you like to go back home and have it?” During a conference, I was pleasantly surprised to be seated next to a very handsome man. We flirted casually through dinner, then grew restless as the dignitaries gave speeches. During one particularly long-winded lecture, my new friend drew a # sign on a cocktail napkin. Elated, I wrote down my phone number. Looking startled for a moment, he drew another # sign, this time adding an X to the upper-left-hand corner. Love goes on even if hearts stop caring the way they once did. Moonshine Scott
  12. Hope this brightens your day: Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. But smoking bacon will cure it! Rebecca said to her husband, “Do you know the neighbor’s daughter scored a 99 on her math exam?” Her husband Tom, sipping his tea, remarked, “Really? What happened to the remaining 1 point?” Rebecca replied sarcastically, “Your son scored it.” Spoiled children are given what they want. Wise parents affirm their children with their words and give their children what they need. Tom tried to clam himself down in the middle of a severe argument with his wife Jany. He said to her, “Let us not fight any more. We should try to sort this out in a level-headed manner.” Fuming with anger, Jany replied, “No. Whenever we try to sort things out in a level-headed manner, I lose!” Donald: What does love mean to you? Bobby: It is the illumination of life. Donald: What does marriage mean to you? Bobby: It is the monthly electricity bill for all that illumination. "He who knows not, and knows not he knows not, he is a fool, shun him. He who knows not, and knows he knows not, he is simple, teach him. He who knows, and knows not he knows, he is asleep, awaken him. He who knows, and knows he knows, he is wise follow him." - Kipling Essential Knots Scott
  13. Hope this brightens your day: Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. But smoking bacon will cure it! Rebecca said to her husband, “Do you know the neighbor’s daughter scored a 99 on her math exam?” Her husband Tom, sipping his tea, remarked, “Really? What happened to the remaining 1 point?” Rebecca replied sarcastically, “Your son scored it.” Spoiled children are given what they want. Wise parents affirm their children with their words and give their children what they need. Tom tried to clam himself down in the middle of a severe argument with his wife Jany. He said to her, “Let us not fight any more. We should try to sort this out in a level-headed manner.” Fuming with anger, Jany replied, “No. Whenever we try to sort things out in a level-headed manner, I lose!” Donald: What does love mean to you? Bobby: It is the illumination of life. Donald: What does marriage mean to you? Bobby: It is the monthly electricity bill for all that illumination. "He who knows not, and knows not he knows not, he is a fool, shun him. He who knows not, and knows he knows not, he is simple, teach him. He who knows, and knows not he knows, he is asleep, awaken him. He who knows, and knows he knows, he is wise follow him." - Kipling Essential Knots Scott
  14. Hope this brightens your day: Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. But smoking bacon will cure it! Rebecca said to her husband, “Do you know the neighbor’s daughter scored a 99 on her math exam?” Her husband Tom, sipping his tea, remarked, “Really? What happened to the remaining 1 point?” Rebecca replied sarcastically, “Your son scored it.” Spoiled children are given what they want. Wise parents affirm their children with their words and give their children what they need. Tom tried to clam himself down in the middle of a severe argument with his wife Jany. He said to her, “Let us not fight any more. We should try to sort this out in a level-headed manner.” Fuming with anger, Jany replied, “No. Whenever we try to sort things out in a level-headed manner, I lose!” Donald: What does love mean to you? Bobby: It is the illumination of life. Donald: What does marriage mean to you? Bobby: It is the monthly electricity bill for all that illumination. "He who knows not, and knows not he knows not, he is a fool, shun him. He who knows not, and knows he knows not, he is simple, teach him. He who knows, and knows not he knows, he is asleep, awaken him. He who knows, and knows he knows, he is wise follow him." - Kipling Essential Knots Scott
  15. Please review my group "Effingham Georgia Preppers"
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