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Scott Lance Smith

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Scott Lance Smith last won the day on February 23

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About Scott Lance Smith

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    Enemy of the State
  • Birthday 05/27/1968


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  1. Hope this brightens your day: The former President is disembarking his private plane, carrying his tiny dog. One of his Secret Service men says, "Nice dog, sir." The President says, "Thanks, I got it for the former First Lady." The Secret Service man replies, "Nice trade, sir." I went to a restaurant. It was full. There was no place to sit and the wait was over thirty minutes. I took out my cell phone, placed it to my ear, and said loudly, "Hey, get over here! She's here with someone else!" Six couples got up and quickly left. "When you have only two pennies left in the world, buy a loaf of bread with one and a lily with the other." - Gilbert K. Chesterton Tire Fence Scott
  2. Hope this brightens your day: The pretty lady at the DMV recommended to me that I sign up to be an organ donor.... That's when I realized she was a girl after my own heart! Six-year old Angie and her four-year old brother, Joel, were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church." "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers." Indulging the consciousness of being good is the way to lose that goodness. Being vain of one's ability is the way to lose it. Hydroponic System Scott
  3. Hope this brightens your day: Can you name the favorite game of horses? Stable tennis! A dad grew increasingly displeased as his teenage daughter and her boyfriend studied in her room late one evening. Finally losing his patience, he knocked sharply on her door. Her boyfriend immediately opened it and asked if something was wrong. "I have to ask you to move your car," the father exclaimed. "Oh, sure. Is it in someone's way?" "No," the dad replied, "it's at the wrong address." Along the way, be careful what you say. Make your choice of words soft and sweet. Because you'll never know which ones you will have to eat. Benifits Of Walnuts Scott
  4. Hope this brightens your day: Al: You're looking glum. Sam: Yeah, my doctor says I can't play football. Al: Really? I didn't know he'd ever seen you play! Steven Spielberg was busy discussing his new action adventure about famous classical composers. Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were in the room. "Who do you want to play?" Spielberg asked Bruce Willis. "I've always been a big fan of Chopin," said Bruce. "I'll play him." "And you, Sylvester?" asked Spielberg. "Mozart's the one for me!" said Sly. "And what about you?" Spielberg asked Schwarzenegger. He replied, "I'll be Bach!" If you worry about winning, you won't. If you focus on doing your very best, then you will. Healing Erbs Scott
  5. Hope this brightens your day: What do you call a charitable person in Portland? An Oregon donor! An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated. Second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Walmart. "Walmart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Walmart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters will visit me twice a week." "To arrive at understanding from being one’s true self, is called nature. To arrive at being one’s true self from understanding, is called culture." - Confucius Identify Poison Ivy Scott
  6. Hope this brightens your day: What happened when the grape was crushed? It let out a little wine... Paddy was coming back from his holiday in America. As he came through Customs, he had two sacks over his shoulders. The Customs officer asked him what did he have in the sacks. Paddy replied Mobile phones. The customs officer didn't believe him and asked to be shown. Paddy opened each sack and sure enough each contained quite a few phones. "What are you going to do with all these phones?" asked the officer. "Oh, they are not for me. My friend, who is a musical director, knew I was going over to America. He asked me to bring him back a 'couple of saxaphones.'" When money talks, then the truth is silent. Fire Starters Scott
  7. Hope this brightens your day: I asked my daughter if she’d seen my newspaper. She told me that newspapers are old school. She said that people use tablets nowadays and handed me her iPad. The fly didn’t stand a chance. During the final exam, the professor noticed that Billy Walters kept looking at his hand before writing down an answer on his test. This went on throughout the entire exam, leaving the professor no other choice than to interrogate the student's test-taking habit. "Mr. Walters," the professor began. "Is there something interesting written on your palm?" "Not at all," Billy replied. "It's all pretty boring The starting point of all achievements is desire. Weak desire brings weak results. Just a small amount of fire makes a small amount of heat. - Napoleon Hill When I look at chocolate, I hear two voices in my head. The first one says: “You need to eat that chocolate.” The other voice goes: “You heard correctly, now eat the chocolate.” A renowned philosopher was held in high regard by his chauffeur, who listened in awe at every speech while his boss would easily answer questions about morality and ethics. Then one day the chauffeur approached the philosopher and asked if he was willing to switch roles for the evening's lecture. The philosopher agreed and, for a while, the chauffeur handled himself remarkably well. When it came time for questions from the guests, a woman in the back asked, "Is the epistemological view of the universe still valid in an existentialist world?" "That is an extremely simple question," he responded. "So simple, in fact, that even my driver could answer that, which is exactly what he will do." "Real love stories never have endings." - Richard Bach Companion Planting Scott
  8. I am interested in joining an ACTIVE group in the Savannah GA/Ridgeland SC Metro Areas. Hope this brightens your day: I just got a photo from a speeding camera through the mail... I sent it right back, way too expensive and really bad quality. 10 Signs You Know You Bought A Bad Computer 1. Lower corner of screen has the words "Etch-a-sketch" on it. 2. It's celebrity spokesman is that "Hey Vern!" guy. 3. In order to start it you need some jumper cables and a friend's car. 4. It's slogan is "Pentium: redefining mathematics". 5. The "quick reference" manual is 120 pages long. 6. Whenever you turn it on, all the dogs in your neighborhood start howling. 7. The screen often displays the message, "Ain't it break time yet?" 8. The manual contains only one sentence: "Good Luck!" 9. The only chip inside is a Dorito. 10. You've decided that your computer is an excellent addition to your fabulous paperweight collection. "All you need is Love...." - The Beatles Sewage Garden Scott
  9. I am interested in joining an ACTIVE group in the Savannah GA/Ridgeland SC Metro Areas. Hope this brightens your day: Tax collector: "It is your duty as a citizen to pay taxes, and we expect you to pay them with a smile." Taxpayer (grinning widely): "Wonderful! I thought you expected me to pay them with cash!" Dr. Seuss as Technical Writer - If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report. If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash, then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash! If the label on the cable on the table at your house, says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol, that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall, and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse, then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, 'cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang! Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect, but that you've decided to see beyond the imperfections. Vicks Insect Repellant Scott
  10. I am interested in joining an ACTIVE group in the Savannah GA/Ridgeland SC Metro Areas. Hope this brightens your day: Why did the singer climb the ladder? To reach the high notes. "The letter 'W' is the most dangerous alphabet in the world. Because all worries start with 'W'.... Who, Why, What, When, Which, Whom, Where, War, Wine, Whisky, and Wealth." "You're forgetting one." "Really? Which one?" "Wife!" "To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong." - Joseph Chilton Pearce Fish Spear Scott
  11. I have noticed a number of people stating they shop at "the dollar stores" for prepping supplies. Yes; the prices are lower, but so are the quality & quantity. Before you purchasing at the "the dollar stores" perform some math. Much better events to purchase supplies are at yard sales & flea markets. At these events you will also have a means of determining how the supplies withstand their use.
  12. I am interested in joining an ACTIVE group in the Savannah GA/Ridgeland SC Metro Areas. Hope this brightens your day: Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to be able to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven. You've already moved most of the earth." As I drove into a parking lot, I noticed that a pickup truck with a dog sitting behind the wheel was rolling toward a female pedestrian. She seemed oblivious, so I hit my horn to get her attention. She looked up just in time to jump out of the way of the truck's path, and the vehicle bumped harmlessly into the curb and stopped. I rushed to the woman's side to see if she was all right. "I'm fine," she assured me,"but I hate to think what could have happened to me if that dog hadn't honked." "Love is the crocodile on the river of desire." - Bhartrihari Cucumbers Scott
  13. I am interested in joining an ACTIVE group in the Savannah GA/Ridgeland SC Metro Areas. Hope this brightens your day: Why did the triangle refuse to be friends with the circle? It found the circle pointless. Veronica was practicing the piano when suddenly there was a loud pounding on the front door. She opened it and found a breathless cop. "What's the matter?!" she asked. "Where's the body?!" demanded the officer. "What are you talking about?" "We just got a tip that some guy named Mozart was being butchered to pieces in this house." A few techniques to break the cycle of anger in a relationship consist of doing something out of character. The most important is to try to do something out of character at the precise time that the anger breaks out. Do this routine every time the situation arises. Frost Bite Scott
  14. I am interested in joining an ACTIVE group in the Savannah GA/Ridgeland SC Metro Areas. Hope this brightens your day: Why didn’t the frog sit on the toadstool? Because there wasn’t mushroom. "If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?" "One dollar." "You don't know your arithmetic." "You don't know my father!" "The most beautiful discovery true soul mates make is that they can grow separately without growing apart." - Elisabeth Foley Tiny Home Scott